Antonio Rodriquez, once known as Armadillo, stepped into the daylight and sighed. The chaos that had been erupting outside had subsided, except for himself and a few other stragglers nobody remained in what was left of the Vault; well, no body still breathing at least. Either the heroes had come and taken control of the situation or the idiots that they’d been holding here had finally done something smart and gotten the hell out of Dodge.

He remembered the day he’d been brought in to this prison he’d called home for so long. He looked at his hands, thinking of the cuffs that had held him; his claws had been filed down, they were no longer sharp, nor were those jutting out of his feet.

They’d found him living in an alley, he remembered that, they said he’d suffered brain damage and that he couldn’t be trusted to roam free. So this was where he wound up. He looked at the bodies around him, briefly saddened by the death his fellow captives had caused, but Antonio also held a deep hatred of the place and its enforcers. He was an innocent man after all.

To his left he could see a female holding aloft some sort of costume, a slinky sexy number with snakes intertwined all about it. Antonio scoffed at it, wishing for the chance to shed the skin he’d committed his crimes in.

He recognized her as a former member of the Serpent Society, Asp if he remembered correctly. He laughed to himself, at least his time with Captain America had taught him something, and thanks to the scientists on staff at the Vault he’d regained complete control over his mental state, or so they’d told him. Still, he was never released from his prison.

No, though he certainly felt for the families who lost loved ones during the breakout, he was glad things had turned out this way. Turnabout is always fair play, so his father had told him.

He walked through the rubble that was once the Administration Building. Laughingly the sign was still standing. Antonio kicked it down. There, now he’d participated.

He made his way towards the fallen guard’s towers; past them was the parking lot. The cars were pretty much destroyed or had either been driven away, and as Antonio reached the demolished ones he sighed once more.

“In the next sixty seconds we’ll either kill each other, go our separate ways, start walking, or someone will pick us up in a ’67 Ambassador convertible,” a voice from behind him informed.

“Who the hell are you?” Antonio asked looking at the man.

“They call me Tick-Tock,” the pudgy, bald man answered.

Antonio scoffed and gazed back at the parking lot.

“I’m, walking,” he said, without turning to look at his new acquaintance.

He’d barely walked a yard when he saw a canary yellow convertible pulling into the lot off the main road.

Antonio turned once more, this time a slight smirk on his face. Tick-Tock was still standing on the curb, he was smiling as well. In the distance behind him Antonio could see that the woman he thought might be Asp had now donned her old outfit. His mind briefly wondered where she had changed into it. She was now talking to a leman, Antonio could only assume it was another prisoner, but one he didn’t recognize.

Tick-Tock cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up with his index finger. He began walking toward Antonio and held out his hand.

“You know my name, sir, I have not gotten yours.”

“Antonio,” he answered, ignoring the hand. He knew from experience that people reacted harshly when his hide-covered paws swallowed their pinkish flesh.

They both turned back to the car, it was now close enough for them to see the driver. It was a man wearing a costume of maroon and yellow, a black mask covered his eyes. They both immediately groaned.

The convertible came to a stop about three feet in front of them.

“’Ello, ‘Ello!” the driver said, grinning from ear to ear. “I am-“

“Batroc the Leaper,” Antonio and Tick-Tock finished simultaneously.

“I zee my rep-u-tat-chee-on, she precedes me!”

“You have no idea,” Antonio said, glancing behind him. Suddenly Asp and her new friend looked very appealing. He looked forward and began walking again. “I was just leaving,” he said, walking past the car.

“That’s not possible,” Tick-Tock said.

“What?” Antonio asked.

“That was not in the future for you, the car is here, that means we go with Batroc.”

“I am here for Machete,” Batroc said, continuing to smile, “But I’m sure you two will be a most welcome addition to zee team!”

At least Antonio knew who the man Asp had been talking too was now. The name rang a bell, maybe someone he learned of during his time with Captain America. He could see Asp and Machete making their way towards the car now.

“What say you, mon capitan?” Batroc asked.

“It beats the hell out of walking I guess.”

“Ferdinand!” Batroc screamed as the other two neared.

He hopped out of the driver’s seat and ran towards his friend. The two shook hands enthusiastically and Antonio thought briefly about jumping into the car and speeding away, but driving with his physical characteristics was damn near impossible.

“Who the hell are you guys?” Machete asked as he approached the car.

“I’m Antonio; they used to call me Armadillo, that there is Tick-Tock.”

“I guess you know Batroc, I’m Machete and this is Asp,”

Jesus, am I the only idiot who uses a real name? Antonio wondered.

“I think it’s obvious what you do,” Machete said staring down Antonio, “What about you?”

“I can predict the multiple immediate outcomes of any situation.”

“What do you mean immediate?” he asked.

“What will happen in the next sixty seconds.”

“You might come in handy, you fellas up for a little crime spree?”

An Empire Tie-In

VILLAINS UNITED

By Logan Polk

After the third or fourth bug that hit him in the head, Antonio found himself wishing he’d just walked away from the situation. Apparently all the world’s heroes were wrapped up in some global take-over, so Machete decided now was the perfect time to pull a series of high profile bank jobs. Antonio couldn’t argue with the logic.

Batroc was actually a pretty good wheelman, he got lucky in finding Asp, who could emit a radiant energy that paralyzed people, Antonio knew his strength and tough hide were bound to come up when breaking into safes and whatnot, and Tick-Tock’s ability to tell possible futures, well, that was surely useful.

So, here they all were, riding in this convertible, on their way to the first job Batroc had cased.

“So, what exactly is the plan again?” Antonio asked.

“We’re gonna hit the Chase bank, we send in Asp first, she does her thing, then you go in Armadillo-“

“Antonio,” he corrected.

“Whatever, you go in, tear your way through the safe, then we collect all the loot we can grab, in an out, hit the highway and head down the coast, ’til we find the next job at least.”

“Ze plan sounds good, no?” Batroc interjected.

“Definitely, definitely good,” Tick-Tock agreed.

Antonio looked down on the car from his perch on the back seat (he was too large to sit inside the vehicle with the others) and shook his head. Why did he ever agree to this?

“We’ll have to find an inconspicuous way into to get Arma-, excuse me, Antonio, into the city,” Asp spoke up.

“Yes, well, I was thinking the sewers or the subway tunnels, they pose the least resistance.”

“Why not ship in a crate to their front door?” Antionio asked. “You guys are putting way too much thought into this. Make it simple, we get into the city, we all go our separate way, meet up at the bank at whatever scheduled time, take it down, Batroc picks us up in the car, we blow the pop stand, do it all over again.”

“Sounds easy enough,” Asp said.

The rest of the group shook their heads in agreement and Antonio smiled, finally he was feeling good about the situation.

Things were going as planned. Asp got in and did her thing without raising an eyebrow, and then Antonio made his way into the safe while the rest of the group collected money and valuables off of the frozen people. Yes, everything was going as planned.

Until Antonio actually got into the vault, then everything came to a screeching halt.

“There’s no money in here!” he screamed to the rest of the group.

Tick-Tock smiled a discreet smile; he’d gotten it out of his mouth less than a minute ago that there may not be any money waiting for them. Machete shot him an evil stare and that brought and end to that.

“Who the hell could’ve gotten to it before us?” he asked.

“Why sir, that’d be me!” came a voice out of nowhere.

A small portal opened up out of the ceiling and a man in an absurd outfit dropped out of it.

“Allow me to introduce myself,” he said dramatically, “I am the Spot!”

“Listen you ass, we had first dibs on that dough.” Asp retorted.

“I’m afraid it’s first come first serve in the criminal world!” he declared.

“Why you son of a bi-“ Antonio said, starting towards the man from the safe.

“Ah-ah, play nice and maybe I’ll make you a deal!” The Spot said disappearing into another hole.

“What kind of deal?” Machete asked.

“I’ll get you in and out for fifty percent of every take!”

“You want us to give you half the money just to make it easier to get in and out? That’s a joke, right?’ Armadillo laughed.

“Forty percent?” The Spot asked, looking a bit sadder.

“No way!” Asp belted.

“Thirty?”

“Negative,” Tick-Tock said, pushing his glasses up.

“Fine, twenty,” Spot pleaded, it was obvious to everyone that the man just wanted to be part of the group.

“Eighteen,” Machete said smiling.

“Eighteen and I get to keep what I stole from this place,” Spot added.

“Deal,” Machete said, “Now get us the hell out of here.”

“Sweet! I’ve never opened a portal for this many people, and it takes some getting used to.”

He threw a number of spots on the wall and the formed a large black hole.

“Come on, let’s go!” he exclaimed.

Batroc said outside the bank, nervously waiting on the others. He knew a cop would pass by any second now; that was just his luck.

He looked up at the outer wall as a large black hole opened up.

“What zee ‘ell ees thees?”

His comrades in crime came pouring out, all of them looked sickly and they had a new person with them.

They stumbled into the car, turning greener by the minute.

“Who thee ‘ell is zis?” Batroc asked.

“Just drive,” Machete said, losing his lunch outside the car.

“C’est la vie,” he sighed and put the car into gear.

Ten minutes later the group was on the highway out of town.

“Pull over,” Machete said grimly.

Batroc did as told and the group poured out of the car.

“You’ll get us in and out?!” Machete said, pointing fiercely at Spot.

“Yes, in and out of the bank,” he answered.

“That’s as far as you can take us? We could do that ourselves!” Antonio yelled.

“But…but, we had a deal…you can’t go back on the deal,” Spot cowered.

“New deal,” Machete said. “You get an equal cut; we use you to get the loot out of the bank and into the car swiftly.”

“Fiiine,” he whined.

“And Jesus, you could have told us we were gonna hurl after going through that stupid portal,” Asp said.

“I said it takes some getting used to,” he explained.

“Let’s just beat it before someone notices ‘Dillo here and we get busted,” Asp said.

“It’s Antonio you bitch,” he said, climbing back up on his perch.

“Am I the only one who thinks driving like this might just bring more attention to ourselves?” Spot asked.

“Just shut up and let’s go,” Machete ordered.

“No go,” Batroc said. “Zee car, she weel not start.”

“Oh, what the hell!” Asp exclaimed.

Batroc popped the hood, a pillar of smoke greeted him.

“She ees dead, engine shot.”

“Son of a bitch,” Antonio sighed.

“Looks like we’re walking,” Machete said.

“No, you have got to be kidding me!” Asp yelled “We’re super villains for Christ’s sake, we just stole half-a-million dollars, and we have to walk?!”

“Well, I could open up a portal and-” Spot interjected.

“NO!” the rest of the group screamed in unison, all except Batroc.

“This is all your fault Frenchie!” Asp screamed.

“Moi?!” Batroc said, a look of frustration coming across his face.

“Yes! You showed up in this piece of shit to pick us up.”

“Oui, but I was only to pick up Machete, not you, you American tramp.”

“You fruity French bastard, I’ll rip off your head for that,” she responded, Antonio stepping up to restrain her.

“Get your hands off me roadkill, I’m gonna rip this fucker a new one!”

“I suggest we calm down and get out of the road,” Machete said.

“Who elected you leader anyway?” Antonio asked.

“I did, this was my idea, therefore I’m leader,” Machete answered.

“And look how far you got us, we’re stranded on the highway!”

“It’s not my fault Batroc picked out a lemon,” he said.

“Okay, zat ees it, no more picking on zee French guy!”

With that Batroc leaped in the air, landing a hard kick into Machete’s midsection.

“You little bastard,” Machete said as he hit the ground.

Antonio laughed and suddenly felt his body go numb. He looked down to see Asp glowing an odd color.. He couldn’t move his arms or legs and Asp easily slipped away from his grip. In seconds she was attacking Batroc and Machete was back on his feet.

The Spot watched on gleefully laughing as the three of them beat each other senseless. Asp landed a swift blow to Batroc’s chin and Batroc countered with a kick to the head. As she fell Machete moved in to take his shot, a cheap one, he quckly brought his knee into Batroc’s groin, but it had no effect on the Frenchman. Instead he grinned and rammed two fingers into Machete’s eyes.

“You thing this is funny you goofy looking idiot?” asked Asp, looking at the Spot.

Before he could answer she gave him a taste of what she’d done to Antonio, paralyzing him.

“There,” she smirked, “now laugh your ass off.”

All five of them, Batro, Asp, The Spot, Machete and Antonio quickly had their attention drawn elsewhere as they heard the thought-dead car roar to life. Behind the wheel sat Tick-Tock, he put the car into drive and sped away.

“Don’t just stand there you idiots, do something!” Machete screamed.

“Zee bitch, she paralyzed zee Spot, he could get him!” Batroc said.

“Son of a bitch! I can’t believe four eyes is getting away with our cash!” Asp groaned, watching the car speed off into the sunset.

“So now I guess we really are walking,” Machete grunted.

“You’re going nowhere, villains!” came a booming voice from the sky.

“Sacre bleu!” Batroc exclaimed.

Falling out of the sky above them were the Thunder God himself, Thor, along with a stalwart group of heroes.

“I know the guy with the hammer, but who the hell are the others? I thought you said all the heroes were tied up with this whole world-takeover thing?” Asp said, giving Machete a stern look.

“They….they were supposed to be! And since when do Avengers come after bank robbers?”

“Prepare to have your butts thoroughly kicked!” a feline-looking woman growled.

“Stingray and Justice, you two handle the Spot and Armadillo,” Thor commanded.

“Iiiiiiiiiiiiitsssssssss Aaaaaaaaaaaannnntttttttonnnnnnioooooooo,” Antonio tried to say, but his body was still paralyzed.

“Tigra and Photon, Asp is yours,” Thor imparted, “Firestar you take Batroc! I’ll handle Machete!”

Machete drew his knives in anticipation for Thor’s attack. The Thunder God swung his mighty hammer, shattering the two blades instantly. Tigra hunched down and pounced on Asp who didn’t have time to charge her powers. As soon as she was clear Photon let loose with a blast of energy, sending the woman to the ground. Firestar sent multiple waves of her microwave energy in Batroc’s direction, but the man moved swiftly enough for her to be unable to land a blow. Meanwhile Stingray and Justice pounded fiercely on both the Spot and Armadillo.

“Not much fight in these guys,” Justice retorted.

“Yeah, almost like they want to give up!” Stingray added.

“They’re paralyzed you idiots,” Asp screamed in-between attacks.

The duo looked at their prey then at each other, both of them smiling.

“In that case,” Justice laughed, turning his attack on Asp.

Stingray ran to Firestar’s side helping her contain Batroc. With his help she put the Leaper out of commission in a matter of seconds.

“Pleeeaze, I geeve up!” he screamed, falling to his knees.

Thor also made short work of Machete, rendering him unconscious with a single blow from Mjolnir.

He looked to his comrades, and watched as Justice held Asp down while Tigra applied a unique collar to her neck that would nullify her powers.

“Well,” Stingray said, “that was easy.”

“Fighting evil is never too easy,” Thor said. “Come, let’s get these villains to the Quinjet!”

“We got the bad guys,” Tigra said, “but where the heck is the loot they stole?”

One week later, somewhere on a beach in Aruba

The man known only as Tick-Tock smiled as he sipped his cocktail. He hadn’t intended to take the money all for himself, but his odds of surviving had grown increasingly small and he knew he had to leave or something bad was sure to happen to him.

A young waiter brought over another drink to the pudgy, still pale man. Tick-Tock glanced over at the bar and calculated his chances of picking up any one of the various women littering it. He had enough money to make himself quite comfortable here and intended to stay as long as the finances held.

His eyes caught the glimpse of a dazzling red-head and he looked at his pocket watch. He couldn’t believe what his mind was telling him, all the outcomes of his approach led to her agreeing to have a drink with him.

He gathered his courage, stood up and approached the bar. As he neared her he could smell her enchanting perfume. He cleared his throat as he took the seat next to hers and actually got her attention.

“H-hello,” he stuttered, offering his hand. “My name’s …Terry, I-I was wondering if you’d like to have a drink with me?”

“Hi Terry”, she said smiling, “my name’s Angelica, Angelica Jones, and I’d love to have a drink with you.”