FROM THE RITZ TO THE RUBBLE

By Liam Goncet

New York City, Some Time Ago

The Museum of Modern Art, one of New York’s most notable and established museums and a must see for any art enthusiast, during the day that is. At night, it’s mostly vacant and quiet, except for the hum of the building’s security system. Being a museum in New York means that having a state of the art security system is a must, you never know when a super-powered criminal will attempt to waltz away with your latest exhibit. Of course, it doesn’t help much when said criminal can’t be detected.

Janice Yanizeski, otherwise known as the villain-turned-hero, Joystick, wondered how she got this far. Not too long ago she was fighting crime alongside the New Warriors, and now? Now, she was back to committing the very same crimes she vowed to never go back to.

It all seemed to start with her expulsion from Empire State University. They claimed that she cheated on a test. She didn’t, of course, but the board was adamant that she did and, sure enough, she was expelled. The Warriors tried to console her, make her feel better, but she wasn’t having any of that, she knew someone set her up, and she was intent to finding out who, and why. She left the group, and went on a rampage of sorts, searching for anyone, and everyone, who was even remotely suspicious. Eventually, she attracted the attention of her old team, and they took her in.

Joystick’s thoughts eventually took a backseat as she entered the room that held her prize. The museum’s newest piece, a rather puzzling work involving various shapes interlacing to create a face, or at least it’s supposed to, but Janice didn’t see it. In fact, she wasn’t really sure why her employers were so interested in this piece; they didn’t strike her as the types that steal paintings to hang up in their offices as attempts to appear smart, and sophisticated. Regardless, Janice was there to steal the painting, and she had to be ready for the cavalcade of guards that would undoubtedly show up once she set off the alarm. Up until now, she had been hidden by a device attached to her gauntlets, which made her invisible to cameras, and other technology. That was about to change, as she went to grab the portrait.

“Of all the places in New York to rob,” said a smug voice behind Joystick, “you had to go after this place. My jobs are never easy it seems.” The voice belonged to a man named James Bourne, more commonly known as the mercenary Solo. He leaned against a wall, a smirk running across his face.

“And just who the hell are you?” Joystick asked the newcomer. “Didn’t know that they started hiring heroes for security.”

Solo laughed as he began to walk toward her. “Hero? That’s funny! I’m no more of a hero than you, babe. I’m just here to make good on my promises, and I happened to promise my bosses that I’d get them that painting.” Solo stopped just short of Joystick taking on a battle stance.

Janice was taken aback by the “hero” comment, it hadn’t dawned on her until now that she really wasn’t a hero anymore, and she quickly shook the thought from her mind. Now was not the time, her employers promised to help her find answers if she got them the painting, she wasn’t going to let some idiot take that away.

“That’s a real shame, because this painting here is mine now, and I don’t plan on giving it up to some loser who thinks he’s the greatest.” Joystick used her gauntlets to create two batons of energy in each hand before jumping into the air, and swinging downward onto Solo with them.

“Sure, except that I am the greatest!” Solo boasted. He seemingly disappeared right before Joystick attacked his former location. “Name’s Solo by the way, I figure we can get to know each other while I kick your ass.” Solo reappeared behind Joystick attempting to sweep her feet out from under her.

“The name’s Joystick and I hate teleporters!” Janice jumped to dodge Solo’s attack, flipping backward to put some space between them. Her gauntlets formed two more energy batons, which she threw Solo’s way.

“Feisty, that’s how I like my female villains, it makes the banter so much more enjoyable.” Solo rolled out of the way of the energy blast, and threw three darts at Joystick, hoping to inflict some damage.

Joystick didn’t respond, simply holding her gauntlets up and blocking the oncoming darts with them. Luckily, the darts didn’t damage any of the vital parts of the gauntlets.

“Aw man, did I break your powers?” Solo said mockingly as he teleported behind Joystick.

“No, but I’m going to break yours,” Joystick anticipated the move, swinging around and jamming a baton into Solo’s belt buckle, which made a hissing sound as sparks flew forth from it. Joystick’s guess was proven correct. The belt buckle was the source of his teleportation.

“Damn, should have expected that,” Solo muttered, “but then again, you should have expected this.” Solo pulled something out from one of his pouches and hit Joystick in the side with it. Instantly, Joystick felt a surge of electricity go through her body.

A taser, he’s seriously using a taser, Joystick thought to herself as she immediately fell to the ground. It was then that Janice noticed something.

A group had gathered around to watch the ongoing battle. Not a group of citizens, mind you, but of guards. She wondered why they were standing around, not doing anything to stop her or Solo, and then it occurred to her: they thought this was a standard super-hero fight. It was understandable, of course, when you see two super-powered beings fighting each other and you assume that one is good, and another bad. The problem was that they couldn’t tell who was on what side. Joystick used this to her advantage and decided to stay down and show them that Solo was the “bad guy” here.

Solo smirked and made a dash for the painting. He quickly took the painting off its display. It was then that he heard the click of at least a dozen guns behind him.

“Drop the painting!” yelled one of the guards.

“Drop your weapons and then I’ll consider it,” Solo shouted back.

“This isn’t a joke, drop the painting or we’ll shoot!”

“Then I guess you better shoot,” Solo said. “Although I doubt very much you’ll hit me.” Solo jumped into the crowd of guards and began to take a few out with quick punches and kicks, gunshots rang out as he did so. Most missed him, but the ones that did hit him did not harm him, due to his Kevlar suit.

Eventually Solo made a run for it only to discover that the door had been closed off. “Well, looks like I’ll have to make myself a way out.” He took out a small package and stuck it to one of the locked doors. “Momma always said, ‘don’t forget to pack explosives.’”

“Funny, my mom always said ‘never turn your back on an opponent,’” Joystick spoke as she delivered a blow from behind with her energy batons. “Turns out she was right.”

Solo fell to the ground, dropping the painting, which Joystick picked up. Guards began to surround the two, many giving thanks to Joystick.

It was then that the bomb blew.

It took a couple minutes for Joystick to get her bearings but she used the chaos of the explosion to her advantage, quickly making her getaway through the now-blown-open door with the painting.

She left the museum with little trouble and made her way to a nearby alley, climbing up to the rooftops. It was then that she once again heard that smug voice come from behind her.

“I underestimated you,” Solo said as he stood behind Joystick.

“Yeah, most people do,” Joystick turned around, expecting a fight, but Solo seemed to have something else in mind.

A kiss.

Solo put his lips across Joystick’s, and in the shock, and confusion, she dropped the painting. Solo quickly pushed Joystick aside, grabbed the painting, and leapt to the next rooftop.

“For such a feisty woman you sure are a dreadful kisser,” Solo shouted as he ran across the rooftop.

Joystick’s face went red with a mixture of anger and humility. She leapt from one rooftop to another chasing down Solo, throwing her energy batons the entire way.

Solo dodged each attack as he leapt from rooftop to rooftop until he came to a dead-end, a huge gap between the rooftop he was on and the next. There was no way he could jump it. “Well damn, should have seen this coming.” Solo turned around to face Joystick, who was slowly approaching, having stopped with her attacks awhile back. “Listen, that whole kiss thing, no hard feelings, right?”

Joystick replied with an energy baton that directly hit Solo in the chest, sending him flying off the roof and to the ground below. Not enough of a fall to kill him, but certainly enough to end the battle.

“Feisty, very feisty,” muttered a barely conscious Solo, as Joystick scaled the side of the building down to where he was laying.

Joystick looked down at him, a slight glimmer of pity in her eyes, before she took the painting, and turned away.

“Fine, take the painting, I don’t care what Hammerhead thinks about me anyway,” Solo murmured.

Joystick stopped, quickly turning around. “Did you say Hammerhead, as in, ‘part of the Maggia crime family, grew up loving Al Capone’ Hammerhead?”

“Yeah, who else would have such a shitty name?” Solo replied, slowly rousing from his semi-conscious state.

“That can’t be right, I was supposed to get this painting for Count Nefaria, and he’s the head of the Maggia,” Joystick spoke with surprise. Did Nefaria lie to her?

“He’s one of them; the Maggia’s just as split as it’s always been. Looks to me like we just got stuck in the middle of one of their little battles,” Solo muttered, slowly getting up, his enhanced durability helping him recover faster.

“But, then that means…” Joystick struggled to get the words out.

“He played you, babe.”

Of course, how stupid could she have been? Did she really believe that it was coincidence that Nefaria happened to be at the same prison she was in, that he just happened to be planning his escape, that he would let her in on it if she agreed to work for him? It had been a set-up. They wanted her on their side, and they got her. Nefaria kept her loyal by promising answers that he didn’t have. Janice was furious.

“So, about that painting,” Solo mumbled, perhaps noting Joystick’s bubbling rage, and not wanting another baton to the chest.

“I’ll go, and give it back to them,” Joystick sharply replied.

“You can do that if you want to go to jail, but I have a better idea, one that will give us both a measure of revenge,” Solo proclaimed.

Joystick glared at Solo, and he took that as his queue to go on.

“We sell it, sell the thing to the highest bidder.” A grin spread across Solo face as he contemplated the possibilities. “We’ll be rich!”

Janice thought for a moment before giving her reply. “Can we really make that much off it?”

“Of course we can! What did you think the Maggia wanted the painting for, to hang it up on the wall?”

Los Angeles, Present

It was yet another hot day in L.A. The type of day where kids ran after the ice cream truck, and bags of ice disappeared faster than tickets to the Super Bowl. It was in this heat that Janice Yanizeski walked to the local cafe, although now she was used to it.

It had been three months since the night she met Solo, or James, as they later revealed their identities to each other. She hadn’t seen much of Solo since the move to L.A. It was understandable, as the guy couldn’t really stay in one place for too long. So Janice had decided to try this whole “new life” thing. She had hidden most of her money from the prying eyes of the government, thanks to Solo and his knowledge of Swiss bank accounts. But she was still having trouble getting into a college; none would accept her once they saw that she was expelled, and she was having just as much trouble getting a job. It wasn’t that she needed one, but she thought it best not to raise suspicion. That was when she got the call.

It was James. He was in the area and he wanted to get together for coffee. She said she would meet him, of course. It wasn’t like she had anything better to do. Her thoughts trailed off as she entered the little coffee shop just at the edge of the sidewalk.

It was an energetic place, loud from the moment you walked in, booming with conversations, people placing their orders, and the occasional person typing away on their laptop. There were tables lined in formations, like soldiers, across the small shop, with two booths next to the single window, the shop offered as view for its customers, in one of those booths, sat the mercenary, Solo.

“I honestly never thought I’d see you again, James,” Janice said as she strolled over to the booth he was sitting at.

“Well, that’s life for ya, always trying to prove us wrong,” James smiled upon seeing Janice. In a weird way he had missed her, or maybe he just told himself that because of what he had to ask.

“So, what’s up? How’s the mercenary life been?” Janice asked taking a seat across from him.

“Not too bad, haven’t had to kill anyone recently, so that’s pretty good,” Solo said. He gave a coy smile but this quickly changed to a more serious look as he spoke again. “But, that’s not why I wanted to see you. I need your help, Janice.”

“My help with what?” Janice feared that she already knew the answer, but what scared her more was that she didn’t know what her response should be.

“I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up with the news lately, but that painting we sold… it’s about to go on display at a museum in town.”

“Okay, what’s the problem with that, it’s not like they’re going to trace it to us?”

“No, but the museum in New York is sure as hell going to be interested, and I really don’t think you want them snooping around here trying to find you.”

Janice was getting more than a little agitated, the last thing she wanted to do was perform another heist, but what Solo was saying seemed likely, and she wasn’t willing to risk being discovered. “Right, then, I guess we have to steal it back?”

“Exactly, we’ll go tomorrow night,” Solo said his smile returning. “For now though, how about I buy us some coffee, and we catch up?”

The next night, Los Angeles Museum of Art

Solo stood on the rooftop directly across from the museum, waiting for his cohort to arrive. “God, I hope she doesn’t flake on me, not sure if I can do this on my own. They beefed up security,” he muttered taking a look inside the building with his binoculars.

“It’s so nice to finally hear you admit that you’d be nowhere without me,” Joystick replied as she made her way to Solo’s side.

“Calm down there, girl scout, I was just a little worried with the guards,” Solo replied, passing his binoculars over to Joystick.

“Damn, you weren’t kidding. But don’t worry, I brought this bad boy to help,” Joystick said as she tapped a small rectangular box attached to her left gauntlet. “It’s a jammer, it will keep us from being detected by cameras, we’ll still have to fight through the guards, but it should help us out somewhat.”

“Well, I’m ready whenever you are,” Solo said, and turned to Joystick who nodded her head, letting him know that she was ready. “Alright then, let’s steal this painting!”

“Yeah, let’s not make that our battle cry,” Joystick retorted as she grabbed Solo’s shoulder, and the two teleported to the museum’s roof.

Immediately, the two leapt into action. There were two guards on the roof, bad ones. Solo could tell because it took them a full two seconds to understand the situation going on, and another two to actually try to fight back. Solo and Joystick took them out with ease.

Next, Joystick walked over to the locked door, leading to the second floor of the museum, and broke it open with one of her batons. Strangely enough, no alarms went off. Although this didn’t bother either of them, sometimes it’s nice when things go your way.

Even stranger, however, was the sheer lack of guards discovering them. Joystick’s jammer was, no doubt, good, but this was like they were almost invisible.

“Hold up, something doesn’t seem right,” Solo said, as they slowly strolled toward the room that held the painting they were after.

“Come on, we don’t have time for you to get superstitious. Let’s move before the guards notice us,” Joystick replied, not slowing down in the slightest.

“That’s the thing, though, I haven’t seen one guard yet, it’s like someone took them all out before we…” Solo said, suddenly stopping as they entered the room, “Joystick, stop.”

“Come on, Solo. It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not. We just walked into a trap.”

“Damn right ya did,” snapped a gravelly voice, as a man, wearing a pinstripe suit stepped out from the shadows, a machine gun held in his right hand. The top of his head was oddly misshapen, almost as if his skull had been morphed in some way.

“Hammerhead, always a pleasure. I take it you weren’t stupid enough to come alone,” replied Solo, a stern look on his face. He knew what Hammerhead could do.

“Who do ya think took out all the guards? I had to save my energy fer kickin’ your ass! Come on out, boys!” As if on cue, Maggia henchmen poured into the room, dozens of them, all carrying semi-automatics, and an ugly snarl.

Solo looked around, feigning shock. “My, what a lovely bunch of mindless henchmen you have. It’s a shame my associate and I are going to have to kill them all. You see, we don’t like other bad guys very much.”

Before another word could be spoken, Solo attacked. Taking out a pistol he began to fire away at the henchmen, making sure not to hit anything vital, they were just hired thugs, and contrary to his words he had no intention of killing them, but damn it if it didn’t sound cool.

Joystick was a bit shocked by the attack, but also by Solo’s choice of words. She noticed soon after that Solo had merely bluffed, and wasn’t hitting them in vital areas. Idiot probably thought that threatening to kill them “sounded cool.” Janice was quickly brought back into the present, as she noticed someone charging at her like a stampeding bull.

It was Hammerhead running as fast as he could towards her, his head lowered so that his metal-plated forehead would ram into his target.

Joystick jumped, almost leap-frogging over the man, who stopped just short of hitting the wall, turning and firing from his machine gun. Joystick instinctively held up her gauntlets to block the array of bullets, this proved successful, but the bullets seemed to damage the gauntlets, leaving her with translucent beams that seemed to waver in and out of stability, as opposed to her usual energy batons.

“Heh, you’re goin’ to need more than those things to stop me, doll face,” Hammerhead said, his misshapen face contorting into a smile.

“Do I count?” Solo shouted, suddenly breaking out from the center of the henchmen, taking the remaining ones out with quick punches and kicks.

“Don’t make me laugh, kid. You’re a good mercenary, but you’re nothing compared to me,” Hammerhead proclaimed, rushing towards Solo head first.

“That’s good, because compared to you, nothing is so much better,” Solo said, teleporting behind Hammerhead.

Hammerhead quickly turned around only to be met with a quick punch to the face, then a kick to the gut and another punch and kick. He responded by blindly throwing punches, attempting to hit Solo. One eventually landed, ending the chain of punches and kicks.

Solo staggered back, wobbling slightly. “You pack a hell of a punch.”

“I pack a whole lot more than that,” Hammerhead retorted, preparing to fire with his machine gun. Unfortunately, he never got the chance.

If there was such a thing as perfect timing, Joystick had it, as she threw one of her energy batons at the hand that held the gun. Apparently, her weakened powers were still enough to do the trick as Hammerhead shouted in pain, dropping the weapon, and cursing.

Solo quickly picked up on the situation, giving a quick wink to Joystick before going in to deliver more punches and kicks to the weakened Hammerhead.

Hammerhead staggered back more and more after each punch and subsequent kick. He tried continuously to head-butt his attacker, but Solo dodged each time. “That all ya got?” Hammerhead said, in between heavy breaths.

“Yeah, I’m done. My associate on the other hand, she has a lot of anger to deal with.” Solo walked out of the way and left Joystick to administer the final blow.

Joystick looked at Hammerhead, smiling before unleashing a hailstorm of energy batons, although at the speed she was tossing them it seemed more like a stream of energy coming from her palms.

By the time Joystick was finished, Hammerhead’s suit was a wreck. There were various cuts through it, some parts actually flaming, and steam poured from his body. The man fell over with a loud thud that echoed in the halls, down for the count.

“Janice,” Solo began to say, “that was the most brilliant thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah, he’ll probably remember this for a long time to come.” Joystick spoke almost with a hint of pity, but it quickly vanished. “Now then, about that painting.”

Almost on cue, sirens started to blare from a few blocks down as the police made their intentions known.

Solo looked to Joystick, and shrugged. “No, I have a better idea, and trust me, it’s a good one.”

Joystick simply rolled her eyes as Solo motioned for her to grab his shoulder, and before long, they were gone.

The Next Day

James Bourne walked into the crowded coffee shop, amazed at the amount of people there so early in the morning. Then again, most people had regular jobs. He quickly spotted Janice and walked over towards her.

She was wearing a yellow dress with black dots all over it, an odd outfit for her, he noticed. It made him look comparatively plain in just a black shirt and jeans.

“What’s with the dress? You stay over at a friend’s last night, and that’s all they had for you to wear?” Solo mused.

“No! I’m a woman James. I think I’m more than entitled to wear a dress,” Joystick responded.

“Hey, I’m just saying it’s a new look for you,” Solo retorted, adding in after a pause, “I like it.”

Janice simply smiles, not replying to the compliment, and moving on to the main topic at hand. “So, what do you know, your crazy plan worked after all, at least part of it,” Joystick exclaimed holding up the day’s newspaper, with a headline that read, “Two local heroes save painting.”

“See, what did I tell you, you knock out a bad guy and his goons, and suddenly you’re a hero.” Solo’s grin was wide. He was happy to have some sort of victory out of this. That, and he got to beat up Hammerhead, which was always a plus. “I’d be willing to bet that the museum in New York blames Hammerhead for stealing the painting as well.”

Joystick laughed at the thought. It would certainly make things easier.

“Ha, heroes! Can you imagine that,” Solo proclaimed, in between his laughter, “us being heroes?”

Joystick smiled as Solo continued to laugh. “Yeah, imagine that.”