RAINY DAYS

By Yannick Lamarre

Author’s Note: This story takes places before Uncanny X-Men #1.

It rained that day. Of course it did, it always rains on THAT kind of day.

My name’s Katherine Pryde, and today’s the funeral of my father. I haven’t eaten much in the past few days, and haven’t spoken with anyone. I’ve been cut off. I know the meeting is coming soon, but my mind’s too muddled to really make anything out of it.

I see the dark, long limousine waiting to pick me up, but I don’t want to go out of here. It seems these days like my room is the last sane place on Earth, and I don’t deserve to be in it because I’m not sane. I killed my father in a sword duel on top of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier. I should be arrested and electrocuted for this. Instead I’m sitting here in my room, staring out the window, where raindrops are distorting my view of the world. In a way, it’s ironic. Before all this, that happy go lucky mirror had distorted my view of the world.

I close my eyes, a slew of memories of all forms and shapes assaulting my mind again, but I don’t give in to them. I haven’t for three days, why would I do so now?

I see Ororo down there, looking up towards me, seeing me looking down at her, and her eyes speak a question. ‘Am I ready to come down?’

I sigh and push back from the window. I was as ready as I could be. What I’m most scared of is how my mother will react to all this. She and my dad weren’t on the best of terms, true, but they were still good friends in the end, and now… well now he’s dead. I feel the insane urge to laugh. Laugh until I can’t breathe anymore. Instead I feel the tears running again as the memory of how my mom first took the news rushes back to my mind.

“Mom?”

I heard my own voice as I said the words. It was shaky. It was ugly. It showed that what I wanted to tell her wasn’t good, and I hated myself again. It was something I was getting good at.

“Kitty? Is something wrong?”

I hated myself for bringing this news to her. Hell, hating myself is something I’m getting better and better at. I took a deep breath, and went on with the bad news. I can only imagine her face.

“Dad is dead,” I said.

Silence for a few seconds. I was afraid of what she would say. Probably ask me how it happened. I didn’t want to answer that.

“How did it happen?”

Again, I told the tale. I told about the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier, about the Friends Of Humanity, about Ogun, and about Carmen Pryde’s last fall. I didn’t even think about it. I just kept on talking until I had told everything, and then she asked another question I’d heard too often already.

“Are YOU all right?”

I responded by hanging up. It was rude and stupid, but I didn’t want to go through this again. I walked away from the phone and straight back to my room. Mom called again a while later, I guess after the shock had washed over her, and we talked a little. It didn’t make me feel better, it only brought the true impact of what had happened, home.

So, I finally got the courage to get out of my room and make my peace with my father. The ceremony was nothing special. I didn’t stay for the supper afterwards. Mom probably took offense, but I don’t much care. I’m walking outside, looking for a cab, when someone grabbed my shoulder. I knew from the touch who it was.

“Saw you leaving. Thought I’d give you a ride home.”

Logan, the man also known as Wolverine, one of my best friends. In many ways he’s family to me too. All of the X-Men are. Too bad I’m not in the mood for any family.

“I need some time alone,” I replied.

“There’s such a thing as too much time alone,” he said to me.

I looked at him for a few seconds, then smiled slightly. The first time in weeks, I might add, and finally I nodded. I knew he probably had something to tell me, and I thought I might as well hear it. So I stepped on his bike, and we made our way home. About halfway back, he started talking.

“It’s twice now in two weeks I’ve had to do this kind of thing. Twice with you,” he pointed out.

I figured he had to be kidding, but as I said, I wasn’t in the mood.

“Nobody forced you,” I coldly said.

It was true, and he nodded in agreement too. “You’re right, kiddo. So, how long are you planning on going on like this?” he asked me directly.

I liked him for that. Direct honesty. Straight to the point.

“As long as I feel I need to. It hurts to do anything else.”

He nodded again and said he understood the feeling all too well. He probably did. We didn’t talk the rest of the ride, and once I got to the mansion, I went straight to my room, where Lockheed was waiting for me. My best estimate is that I fell asleep under two minutes.

I was awakened sometime later, I’m not sure how long, by a knock on my door. It was dark outside, so most probably it had been a good three hours. Lockheed hadn’t moved an inch and was still soundly asleep just beside me. I got to my feet and groggily opened the door. I mustn’t had been thinking straight; because usually when I’m in this state I don’t open the door for nobody, and, unsurprisingly enough, it was Ororo.

“Hey ‘Ro,” I said, about to shut my door right away.

“Your quick departure was noticed, Kitten,” she said holding the door open, “and I must admit I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t call me ‘Kitten’,” I replied rather harshly.

No emotions showed in her face, she was too much in control for that kind of thing, but I knew I had hit a nerve. She had always called me Kitten.

“Kitty then, listen to me, this is not the best way to deal with this, isolating yourself from everything and everyone who can help you,” Ororo told me.

Who was she to tell me what I could or could not do? That was the thought that first flashed through my mind, until I realized that she only wanted to help me. So in answer I only sighed, releasing my hold on the door. Besides, she knew as well as I did that if I didn’t want to listen to her, I would phase away. Simple as that. Too simple for someone in the state of mind I was in.

“It is the only thing I wanted to tell you. That if you wish it, you are not alone, but if you do, you can be.”

She smiled and walked away. I watched her until she turned at the end of the hall. Lockheed, finally awake, cooed gently and landed on my shoulder, his favorite spot in the last week. I stood on the edge then, a foot out in the hall, the other back in the room, and my mind felt the same. I could go back in, and return to my little room, my world these days, and go on feeling guilty and sad and sick and hurt, or I could step into the hall, and head back down the stairs, meet with my mom, who was most probably down there since she’d said she would stick around here for a few days, and start the way to moving on with my life.

I didn’t know if I wanted to go on with my life. My dad had been my life for thirteen and a half years, and then I spent the next few years away from him, in many ways putting forth events, which would lead us both to that showdown on the Helicarrier. It felt to me that if I went on with my life I would forget about him. It’s silly and stupid, I realize it now, but heck, I didn’t know much back then.

I took a deep breath, patted Lockheed on the back, and then stepped out, closing the door behind me. I made my way to the stairs, looking down. There was no one at the step of the stairs, but I could hear voices. My mom was speaking with Ororo. I think Jean and Scott and Charles were there too. They were all coming back around here for the meeting, and I guess this funeral was a reason for them to be here a bit earlier then expected. I closed my eyes, summoning a bright image of my dad smiling at me after my first dance session, and then started on my way down the first step.

The next few days things finally started to go better. I started training in the Danger Room again, and speaking with the others. They took special care to avoid the subject of my father and it was especially hard, considering my mother was there, and more and more of the X-Men were returning to the mansion for the meeting. Almost everyone was there, except for Logan who left a few days after I came out of the room.

I returned to work, where I got a surprise ‘Welcome Back’ party. I got my first paycheck, quite welcomed, and went on a small shopping spree. Let’s just say there was nothing left of that check barely two hours after receiving the money. Melissa helped a lot that afternoon.

So, things got back to normal, for the others, at least. They stopped worrying about me because I seemed all right. Which was fine by me. No more questions to answer, no more psychological talks, only my mind and me. Which is what, I think, brought me to the edge of that cliff, with the sun lowering into the water in front of me, the day before the meeting.

I was sitting at the very edge of land, close to the same spot Piotr had told me he didn’t love me anymore so long ago now. Right after the Secret Wars, that was.

Piotr… he was far from my thoughts these days, which was a big difference from back then. Things had been much simpler back then. I sighed, picking up a rock and throwing it down the cliff.

Not only had my mind fallen apart and had been glued back together slowly but surely, but something was happening to my body as well. Things had somehow reversed to the way they had been in the beginning. I have to concentrate to phase now. My mutation reversed for no apparent reason again. Those things had been on my mind the entire day, and I had reached this spot by walking off course on my way back home from work. I walked these days, instead of taking the bus like I used to. Walking cleared my head.

I stood up, not thinking of what I was doing, and walked to the edge of the cliff, looking down at the waves hitting the rocks below. Then I looked at the sun, split in half by the ocean. It was a wonderful sight, and it instantly lifted something from my heart, and, for the first time since he had died, I talked to my dad. I would do it again often in the next few months. My life was about to get pretty wild, and I think speaking with my father helped, but that first time I talked to him, it was special. I really could feel him, almost could hear his response in the waves, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget what I told him.

“I’m sorry, dad. I know it’s not really my fault. You went to Ogun to make that deal, but I still think somehow I’m a bit responsible and I’m sorry for it, but in the end, I think you let yourself fall from the Helicarrier not because you were ashamed of yourself, or because Ogun wanted to make me suffer one last time. I think it was again to protect me. You took Ogun with you. He hasn’t shown up again. Logan found his mask, and is keeping it with him for safekeeping. You never know. Thanks, dad. For everything you ever did for me. For raising me like you did. For loving me like you did. I can never repay you enough. There’s only one thing I can do now, and that’s live my life the best I can, to the fullest. Make you as proud of me as I possibly can. I love you.”

I wiped off the tear that had rolled down my cheek, the last to flow for my dad, although the hurting would always remain somewhere, and walked back to the mansion. Back to the rest of my life.

NEXT ISSUE: Kitty’s late for work, but not too late to face the new power-crazed villain known as Power!