The Daily Bugle

 Mary Jane Watson calmly walked into the offices of the Daily Bugle, headed straight to Drew Micheals and forced him down into a chair.

“Uh, Mrs. Parker, I didn’t expect you to–”

“Shut-up,” Mary Jane ordered. “I don’t know who you think you are, but you have people who care about you, and you’re just brushing them off?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Drew told her as he looked away. “I’ve been busy lately and–”

“Bull. Shit,” Mary Jane told him flatly. “And I’m not leaving until you tell me what is going on. I don’t care if we’re here all night, nothing is going to make me leave.”

Mysterio, The Vulture, The Shocker, The Rhino, Will ‘O The Wisp and The Hobgoblin had all gathered outside of the Daily Bugle building.

“Why bother robbing a bank?” Mysterio said. “If we want to make Spider-Man come to us, we have to right to the source. His little puppet photographer is in here. We grab this kid and Spider-Man will come running.”

“Does it matter if we take him alive?” Vulture asked. “I have a score to settle with this punk.”

“We take him alive for now, then you can have him once Spider-Man’s in his grave.” Mysterio said as they headed into the building.

THE DEADLY DOZEN

PART II

By Tobias Christoper

Several blocks away, another variation of the Sinister Six had confronted Spider-Man: The Hypno-Hustler, The Mad Cow, Maxine Power, The Chairman, White Rabbit and Nacho Mama. In what they had anticipated to be a threatening reveal, it quickly turned into a moment of pure hilarity for the web-slinging hero as he continued on with non-stop laughter. Everytime it seemed like he was about to calm down, he just started laughing again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Spider-Man said as he held up a hand while trying to catch his breath. “Did you say The ‘Sinister’ Six? The most sinister thing about you dweebs is your ability to not crack up laughing at your own gimmicks. You seriously think you can fight me using a giant hairdryer, melted cheese and a milk squirter? And you? You have the ability to turn people into chairs! What kind of useless supervillain power is that?”

“He dares mock our abilities!” the Chairman shouted. “Take this!”

The Chairman fired a blast from his gun as Spider-Man ducked. The blast hit a bird, turning it into a literal stool pigeon.

“Prepare to be torn limb from limb!” Nacho Mama shouted.

“How do you prepare for something like that?” Spider-Man asked as the villains rushed toward him. “Going up!”

Spider-Man shot a line of webbing straight upward, pulling himself up as the villains attacked. The hero attached himself to the wall and started climbing up to the roof, seeing the villains were right behind.

“Okay, six of the goofiest villains ever are after me,” Spider-Man said to himself. “It looks like this fight is only missing a team-up with Deadpool. And right on cue–”

Spider-Man looked to his left, and instead of the merc with a mouth, he found a delivery boy standing there with a note in hand.

“Dear Spider-Man,

 How I wish I could be there for a team-up, but alas, I have a meeting with Fred Savage tonight that I just can not get out of. I hope you can read this, I don’t know how dusted eyes work. Looking forward to future meetings.

 Sincerely yours,

– Deadpool

 P.S.

 Pika Pika.”

“Well, that was… confusing,” Spider-Man said as he noticed the delivery boy holding his hand out for a tip. He reached into his tights and gave the kid a five dollar bill as the boy walked away. “Spread the word, Spider-Man’s a great tipper!”

Spider-Man turned around to see the six villains standing behind him.

“Okay, we’re off the streets and away from people who’d no doubt laugh themselves to death seeing this,” Spider-Man said. “Let’s party.”

“My family’s gone,” Drew said with a sniffle as he tried not to think about it. “My step-dad abandoned me, I saw my mom get crushed to death, and my baby brother was murdered. I’ve never even met my real Dad. I have no family left, and I don’t want to freeload off of Mr. Parker and you.”

“Flash is always–”

“FUCK Flash Thompson!” Drew said as he stood up. “He’s the one who got A.J. murdered! I never want to see that guy again! I’m just glad he stopped trying to contact me.”

“He can’t contact you,” Mary Jane told him. “Three months ago, Flash was–”

The elevator dinged as the doors opened, revealing the Sinister Six, all awkwardly crammed into the box. Everyone managed to squeeze out except Rhino, who seemed to have a little trouble.

“It’s okay, guys, I got this,” Rhino said as he wedged his way out. “I’m cool.”

“Sorry for the silent entrance,” Mysterio told them. “But we didn’t want our target running away into the night. Now, if Drew Michaels would please step out into the open, we will just be on our way.”

“What is going on out here?” Jameson asked as he stepped out of his office.  “What’s the freak Spider-Man brought to my doorstep now?”

Mary Jane pushed Drew into a cubicle.

“Stay down,” Mary Jane told him in a whisper. “Don’t let them see you.”

“What do they want with me?” Drew asked.

“I don’t know,” Mary Jane said. “But keep your head low we’ll figure out how to–”

“HEY!”  Shocker asked toward the cubicle. “What are you doing in there?”

“Excuse me, I am 8 months pregnant, and I am trying to rest my swollen feet,” Mary Jane said as she stood up. “Is that okay with you?”

“That’s just great,” Vulture said as he held Jameson two feet off the ground by his throat, casually tossing him aside as he approached MJ. “The last thing we need is to be dealing with a pregnant woman.”

“We just want Drew Michaels,” Mysterio told her. “Don’t get worked up, lady, we’ll just grab the brat and go.”

“He’s not here,” Mary Jane told them. “He went to get some chinese take-out for me since I was feeling hungry.”

“I don’t buy it, the nearest chinese place is China King, and their food is terrible,”  Will O’The Wisp said. “I wouldn’t feed that slop to my cat.”

“Maybe he went to Wu’s,” Vulture told them. “They have good food.”

“Yeah, but they take forever, he’ll be there for two hours waiting for some good Szechaun chicken,” Shocker said. “If he wants great service and food, he should go to the Lotus Garden, they give you your money’s worth.”

“The Lotus Garden’s all the way on the other side of town!” Rhino told him. “This lady needs food for her baby now!”

The group started arguing over Chinese food as Hobgoblin put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly.

“HEY!” Hobgoblin shouted in frustration and pulled out a pumpkin bomb and tossed it into the cubicle. “The kid didn’t go for take-out! He’s right here!”

“Run, Mrs. Parker!” Drew shouted as he jumped on top the bomb. A small puff of smoke escaped from under him as he sat up. “What the–?”

“I saw the little bastard’s shoes under the cubicle,” Hobgoblin said as he picked up Drew by the hair and held his sword to the young man’s throat. “Got ya’.”

“Leave him alone!” Mary Jane told them as Hobgoblin pointed his sword at her stomach.

“And how do we know you’re even pregnant? Maybe I should give it a little poke and see what comes out on the end of my sword.” the villain smiled sadistically.

Spider-Man jumped over the Chairman, grabbing him by the shoulders and tossing him into the Hypno-Hustler. Nacho Mama fired a blast of hot cheese at the hero as he ducked behind the Mad Cow, getting the villain covered in quickly hardening cheese.

“Let’s see how you deal with Maxine Power!” the large haired villainess with the oversized hairdryer shouted as she aimed at Spider-Man. He quickly grabbed White Rabbit and pushed her in front of the hairdryer, where he hair immediately puffed out.

“Did you guys even make any attempt at practicing a routine before you came out tonight?” Spider-Man asked. “Frankly, I expect better from my rogue’s gallery.”

“We’ve had it with you constantly humiliating us!” the Chairman shouted. “No one will ever laugh at us again once you’re gone!”

“Not quite sure you thought the logic through on that one, chief,” Spider-Man said as he avoided The Chairman’s ray blasts. “You’re still going to be,” Spider-Man’s eyes shifted awkwardly under his mask as he tried to find the right word without hurting any feelings. “… You.”

“We will have respect!” Nacho Mama shouted as she bull charged him, sending the hero crashing through the door to the roof.

“There’s no getting through to these losers,” Spider-Man told himself. “I’d better put them down before someone does end up getting hurt.”

“No, please,” Drew said as the Hobgoblin held him by his hair while keeping his sword pointed at Mary Jane’s pregnant stomach. “Don’t hurt her. I’ll come quietly.”

“You’ll come quietly if I punch you in the throat,” Hobgoblin told him. “Now shut up.”

“Okay, we’ve had our fun,” Mysterio told him. “We’ve got the kid, let’s go.”

“Yes, we are criminals and murderers, but I draw the line at killing unborn babies,” Rhino said. “This is not part of what we signed up for.”

“He’s right,” a voice said from the stairwell. “You really don’t want to hurt that woman.”

The villains turned to see the man in the tiger themed costume standing at the door.

“Who the hell are you?” Mysterio asked.

“You can call me ‘Tiger’,” the man said. “And you’re not taking my br– that kid anywhere.”

“And are you going to stop us?” Hobgoblin asked.

“I am just so glad you asked me that.” Tiger smiled under his mask.

Spider-Man and the Hypno-Hustler charged at each other, both ready to strike when the sound of cell phone filled the air.

“So tell me what you want, what you really, really want! I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want–“

 “Excuse me, i have to take this,” Spider-Man said, putting a finger up as he pulled out his phone. “Spider-Man speaking.”

“Peter,” May told him. “I just turned on the news, some nasty men are attacking the Daily Bugle building. Fishbowl Man–”

“Mysterio.”

“Bird Man.”

“Vulture.”

“Fister.”

“Shocker,” Spider-Man said. “Look, I get the gist, I just have to wrap up some quick business here. I’ll talk to you later, love you.”

Spider-Man hung up to find the villains just staring at him. “What? A guy can’t say ‘I love you’ to someone he holds dear? Don’t make this weird, guys.”

Spider-Man quickly shot webbing at the Chairman, then started swinging him around to knock the other villains to the ground.

“Look, I really would love to hang around, but… truthfully, I’d actually not really hang around, soooo…” holding out his webshooters, Spider-Man pinned everyone to the ground until he ran out of fluid. Tossing the empty cartridge into a slot for later refills, he replaced the empty cartridges and headed for the Daily Bugle.

At the local hospital, the nurse had just finished changing Billy Connors sheets. The young man had been comatose for just a little over a year now, and his dyed black hair had grown back to its original blonde color.

“Whatever happened to the young man who used to come visit?” the nurse asked as the doctor looked over Billy’s chart. At this point, the boy had been written off by everyone, but a mysterious benefactor had been covering the medical costs to keep him alive. “I think they might have been… together given the way the other boy talked to him.”

“Didn’t anyone tell you?” the doctor asked. “The poor boy was murdered a few months ago. He had a run-in with The Lizard. Poor kid, died a hero. Saved an entire class of kids by distracting that monster. By the time they found him…”

“Poor boy,” the nurse said as she ran a hand through Billy’s hair. “The only friend in the world the boy had is gone.”

The doctor and nurse left the room, turning the light off as they went, not noticing the solitary tear falling from Billy’s face. A few minutes later, Billy’s fist started clenching in anger…

Spider-Man got closer to the Daily Bugle, hoping he wasn’t too late when he saw Vulture falling out of the window.

“Wow, Jameson must be hitting the gym,” Spider-Man said as Vulture got his balance and flew back toward the window. Spider-Man swung beside him, trying to act casual. “So, uh, what’s been going on?”

“Spider-Man!” Vulture shouted. ” Prepare to–”

“Yeah, yeah, prepare to die, or lose a limb, or whatever, I did not prepare AT ALL for this night, okay? I didn’t realize that I had to start prepping to kick bad guy butt.” Spider-Man told him as he swung ahead to reach the window, just in time to see Rhino charging out, landing on the street below. Hobgoblin came flying out next with Tiger hanging onto his glider.

“No free rides!” Hobgoblin shouted as he tossed an active bomb at Tiger, knocking him off the glider. As he plummeted toward the ground, Spider-Man caught him.

“You see, you’re supposed to pay for the rides in advance,” Spider-Man told the younger hero as they landed on a window ledge. Spidey just looked him up and down. “I didn’t realize ripping off my costume design was the current trend. And you are?”

“Tiger,” the other man said. “You need to protect M– Mary Jane, she’s up there with Drew. I’ll deal with the bad guys.”

“Riiggghhhttt,” Spider-Man said as he watched Tiger jump off the ledge, grab onto a lamp post and swing his way to the ground. “Kid would make a great trapeze artist, I’ll give him that.”

Spider-Man shot out a web and swung his way toward the street to meet up with the actual Sinister Six.

“What the hell are you doing!?” Tiger shouted. “She needs you!”

“Trust me, she can handle herself,” Spider-Man told him. “Even with a baby inside her. Meanwhile, you’re looking to be mauled, mangled, dismembered, shredded and forced to watch that Jem & The Holograms movie if I leave you alone with these guys.”

“I can handle myself, I’ve been doing it since I was 12,” Tiger told him. “I don’t need anyone watching my back, Dad!… I mean that in like, a metaphorical sense.”

As the two argued, the Sinister Six closed in on them, just as the other Sinister Six were closing in from the other side…

Back at the Daily Bugle, Drew dusted himself off as he walked over to Mary Jane.

“Are you okay?” Drew asked as he helped her sit down.

“You were willing to die to protect me and the baby,” Mary Jane told him. “Why?”

“Because… you and Mr. Parker are pretty much the only friends I have besides Peter’s aunt,” Drew told her. “I’m sorry I shut everyone out. But after losing A.J…. I couldn’t take it if I lost anyone else, so I just… cut everyone off before they could do it to me.”

“Drew, we– Ow,” Mary Jane said. “Oh, God.”

“What’s wrong?” Drew asked as he noticed a dripping on the carpet. “Oh, shit! Is that–”

“My water broke, I’m going into labor!” Mary Jane shouted.

 TO BE CONTINUED…