WONDER BOYS

By Derrick Ferguson

Years ago when he had first been reactivated after decades of being buried under the desert in a nameless, unmarked grave, Jim Hammond had spent time with The Avengers, becoming re-acquainted with the world and Hawkeye had repeatedly suggested that the two of them take a trip to Las Vegas. Jim had finally asked why. Hawkeye had replied that since Jim Hammond was an android; indeed perhaps the most famous android ever created, he could probably break the bank at any casino and make them rich. Jim had looked into the grinning face of the world’s greatest living archer and asked him earnestly exactly why Hawkeye thought Jim could do such a thing.

Hawkeye had been genuinely puzzled. Surely as an android, Jim could do all sorts of complicated computations that would effectively beat the odds at any casino, could he not?

Jim replied that his creator had not constructed him for such a purpose and except for the fact that his positronic brain processed information many times faster and with greater comprehension than a human brain, Jim had no special skills at the sort of computing Hawkeye was talking about. The Avenging Archer’s reaction to this bit of intelligence had been loud, profane and left Jim Hammond very puzzled.

Eventually Jim did make his way to Las Vegas and much to his surprise found that he did enjoy gambling. He liked playing games of chance and found that engaging in such a reckless pursuit that ran so contrary to the logical patterns his positronic brain had been constructed to adhere to were oddly pleasing. So when it came time for Jim to set down roots, it was only natural he choose Las Vegas. It was a perfect city for him to re-establish himself and he wasn’t that far away if The West Coast Avengers needed backup.

Jim sat quietly in his main office of his suite on the 51st floor of The Stratosphere Hotel and Casino where he not only had his personal living quarters but the headquarters of Hammond Consultations. He was drinking French Vanilla coffee and reading a three-foot high stack of local, national and international newspapers his assistant Lucille Ballantine brought in for him every morning. It wouldn’t take him long to go through the papers since he could literally read an entire page at a glance. What was really interesting was all the reports of The Hulk being in the Las Vegas area. Jim reflected that the American Southwest Desert region held a curiously powerful lure for both himself and The Hulk. Somehow, the man-monster always seemed to gravitate back to that area. He had been born there in a gamma bomb explosion and Jim himself had been resurrected by an atomic bomb test. Jim found a serenity and peace in the stark empty beauty of the desert that he suspected he shared with The Hulk. His cell phone rang and he picked it up from the desk and flipped it open.

“Jim Hammond. How may I help you?”

“Good morning, Mr. Hammond. I’m Lt. Colonel Felton Hardbottle, United States Army. I’ve got a situation here that I think would be perfect for someone with your capabilities. According to your government files you’re one pretty powerful firecracker. I was hoping you’d lend me your power as well as your experience for a few days.”

“Doing what?”

“Helping me find The Hulk.”

Jim said nothing. Continued to sip his coffee and looked down at the spread out newspapers on his desk.

“Hammond?”

“I’m here. Just thinking.”

“What’s there to think about? I’ve been authorized by The Vice-President to find The Hulk. I thought it would make my job easier if I had some super-powered help on my side.”

“I realize that The Hulk is a national menace but I won’t be a part of any operation to hunt him down and kill him. I don’t do that sort of thing. Why don’t you go whistle up Wolverine or The Punisher?”

“I’m not looking for The Hulk to kill him, Hammond. Quite the contrary. The Vice-President wants to offer him a job.”

“And you honestly expect me to believe that?”

“Look, I’m flying out to Vegas to meet with you face to face. Just give me an hour of your time and if you still don’t want in, fine.”

“Fair enough. What time will you be arriving in Vegas?”

“1640 hours. That good for you?”

“Fine. I’ll meet you in my office. I’m sure you know where it is.”

“Thanks, Hammond. I really appreciate this.” Hardbottle broke the connection and Jim slowly closed his phone. He thoughtfully tapped it against his chin for a few seconds before again flipping it open and tapping in a number.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. Las Vegas Division. Agent Bancroft speaking.”

“Jim Hammond. S.H.I.E.L.D. Ident Code CFH656/7107.”

“Ident Code and voiceprint confirmed, Mr. Hammond. What can I do for you today?”

“I’d like some information about an Army officer, Lt. Colonel Felton Hardbottle…mainly his past assignments and his current one…”

Bruce Banner opened the side door of the warehouse and went on inside the cool, dark interior. It was a blessed relief after walking in the fierce midday heat outside. He was perspiring freely and he wiped his face free of sweat with a forearm as he closed the door firmly and walked deeper into the warehouse. It was one he had used back in his Joe Fixit days. Joe had been one sneaky so-and-so and had bought warehouses and safehouses all over Vegas to use as hideouts. That precaution was certainly coming in handy now.

One corner of the warehouse was tricked out as a small but efficient medical triage. Bruce had purchased a seven-year-old Chrysler van with cash and driven to several medical supply stores to buy what he needed. It had taken some time as he had driven all over Vegas to do so, not wanting to buy everything he needed at one place since that have attracted unwanted attention, especially since he needed some specialized pieces of equipment and he’d had to pay out some bribes. Still, somebody was bound to talk and the talk would reach the kind of ears that liked to listen but Bruce only needed a couple more days here in Vegas to make sure his patient was fit to travel and to dig up another two or three cashboxes and then they would be gone.

The Leader lay on the bed, dozing. His freakishly large cranium prevented him from lying down flat so the head of the bed was cranked up until The Leader was practically sitting up straight. It was the only way he could get any sleep. The Leader’s eyes opened as Bruce approached, resting on the two large McDonald’s bags Bruce held in each hand. Bruce smiled and held them up: “Hungry?”

“Yes I am. Thank you.” The Leader took one of the bags that was filled with French fries, hamburgers and cheeseburgers. The other bag contained four large sodas. “How am I?”

Bruce chewed thoughtfully on a double cheeseburger for a minute before answering: “You’re healing factor doesn’t work as quickly as The Hulk’s but let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth. Without it, those bullets Ross put into you would have killed you for sure.”

The Leader’s dark green face twisted in a savage grin of unpleasantness. “The old fool underestimated me. A mistake he won’t make again.”

“You didn’t have to kill Ross, you know. Not to mention all those other people in that bunker who never did a thing to you.” Bruce wiped ketchup from his chin and reached for a Cherry Coke The Leader passed to him.

“Squeamishness? From the infamous Bruce Banner? Your alter ego has left his own considerably wide trail of blood and destruction in his day, my friend.”

“If we had just left the base there would have been a better than even chance that we would have been left alone for a time until Ross had regrouped. But by killing him you’ve insured that The Army will redouble their efforts to find me and recapture you. You’re a highly visible embarrassment.”

The Leader shrugged. “As long as I stay free long enough to find Ross’s partners.”

Bruce stopped sipping soda through a straw to reply; “again with this conspiracy that you claim Ross was a part of but you’ve given me no proof.”

The Leader slapped his chest. “I’m the proof right here, Bruce! A clone of Glenn Talbot artificially mutated by controlled gamma radiation! What more proof could you possibly need or want?”

“And you believe that this ‘gamma conspiracy’ has the necessary information to reverse or arrest the cellular degradation taking place in your body?”

The Leader nodded his enormous head. “Ross mentioned several times that his ‘partners’ were among the most brilliant men and women in their fields alive today. I’m positive that the cellular degradation was programmed into my DNA deliberately as a way of keeping me under control. All we have to do is find them.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

The Leader snapped; “can you really afford to be so blasé about this situation? Don’t you think it’s only a matter of time before the conspiracy comes after you? Why do you think Ross sent Hardbottle after you? I tell you, this conspiracy is dedicated to harnessing gamma radiation to achieve their goal of creating gamma-powered superhumans totally under their control. Do you want more creatures like The Abomination running around loose? That’s what will happen and you know it!”

“Exactly how long have you been aware of this conspiracy?” Bruce finished his burger and collected the discarded, brightly colored paper wrappers and threw them in a handy wastebasket and then turned his attention to examining The Leader.

“For about ten months now. Ross had me at Hulkbuster Base because he knew that I would be the perfect bait to lure you into a trap. But he didn’t count of me contacting you for my own agenda.”

“Did you see any other cloned mutations during your time there?” Bruce checked The Leader’s blood pressure while he spoke.

“I saw the failed experiments. Grotesque, deformed things that were killed swiftly and the bodies thrown into nuclear furnaces where even the ashes were vaporized, leaving behind no trace, no evidence.”

“So you’re telling me that you’re the only successful experiment that survived? How very fortunate for you.”

The Leader shook his head in an emphatic negative. Bruce was afraid that the sudden, violent motion would unbalance The Leader and send him falling off the bed but obviously he had mastered balancing that massive cranium. “I heard Ross mention several times that the other subjects were being trained at someplace he called Serenity Base. But I could never find out where it was. Ross had a significant number of files encrypted and placed on his own personal database. Even with my advanced intelligence I couldn’t break the encryption. In fact, I don’t even believe that the encryption was of terrestrial origin.”

“So our situation is that you want me to stop the cellular degradation long enough for the two of us to find this Serenity Base and find a permanent cure for your condition.”

“I’d be helping you to find a cure for your problem as well, Bruce. Between the two of us I’m sure we could come up with something.”

“I supposed you’d also want to free the other gamma mutations as well?”

“And why not? And who better to free them than The Incredible Hulk? In a way, he’s the father of all gamma-induced mutations. And realistically speaking, what else have you got to do with your time?”

Bruce Banner threw back his head and laughed a genuine, from-the-gut laugh that felt really good. “To be honest, I’ve never had a proposition put to me quite that way before. And I think that I can do something to stop the cellular degradation of your cells.”

The Leader sat up straighter, his emerald eyes shining with excitement. “What is it?”

“When I first became The Hulk, I could control the physical transformation by means of a gamma ray projector I created. I believe that with some modifications I can use a GRP to stabilize your cellular structure.”

“Where is this device?”

“Back when I worked for the military, I had laboratories constructed all over the desert. Most of them have been destroyed or stripped by The Army but there’s still one or two they don’t know about. We’ll wait until dark and then we’ll slip out of Vegas and head for one that I know has a GRP.”

“How will we get out without me being seen?”

Bruce grinned. “We jump. Or rather, The Hulk jumps and you hang on for dear life.”

Jim Hammond opened the door of his office and said; “Lt. Colonel Hardbottle, I presume?”

“Yes.” Hardbottle removed his hat and stuck it under his armpit and shook hands with Jim. “Thank you for seeing me on such sort notice.”

“My pleasure. Please come in. Have you eaten?”

“Yes. On the plane.” Hardbottle looked around the spacious, well-decorated office foyer. Judging by the custom made furniture and the Italian marble tiled floor, Jim Hammond certainly liked to live comfortably, Hardbottle thought sourly. Friggin’ android lives better than I do.

“Right about now you’re wondering how do I pay for all this?” Jim was grinning at Hardbottle amiably enough. Hardbottle was having a hard time believing that this was an artificial life form he was talking to. From his blonde hair to his twinkling sky blue eyes to the warmth of his hand, Jim Hammond appeared to be 100% human.

“It had crossed my mind…”

“When I worked with Heroes For Hire, part of my contract included a generous severance package. And I have established my own consulting business here in Las Vegas. I think even you’d be impressed by some of the names of my clients.”

“And I guess that you really don’t need to buy groceries, right?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t have to eat or drink for nourishment, if that’s what you mean. But I have been conditioned to simulate human behavior as closely as possible so I do to make humans feel more comfortable around me.” Jim patted his midsection. “Right about where your stomach is I have a thoracic furnace that converts ingested mass to energy. It’s not as efficient as solar absorption, which is where I get my main source of power. “ Jim motioned him to sit down in a large leather armchair. Jim eased himself down into the chair’s twin.

“How about sleeping? Do you have to sleep?”

“It looks like I’m sleeping but actually it’s more like downtime to give my internal systems time to run self-diagnostics, run minor repair subroutines and reboot my positronic neural pathways. But you didn’t come all this way for lessons on android anatomy. You want to track down The Hulk. I won’t waste your time, Colonel: you’re going to need more help that one old android who throws fireballs if you want to catch The Hulk.”

“And I’ll get the help. After I leave here, I’m going to The Vault to recruit a couple of so called ‘supervillains’ to assist as well.”

Jim frowned. “Don’t know if I like that idea. Why not ask The Avengers for help?”

“You’ve been very blunt and forthright with me, Mr. Hammond. Allow me to be just as blunt: I don’t believe that The Avengers have their hearts into catching The Hulk. After all, he is one of their founding members… a fact most people have forgotten but I don’t think The Avengers have. Let’s face it, with the raw power at their disposal, The Avengers could have taken down The Hulk long ago.”

“Colonel Hardbottle, unless and until you’ve faced The Hulk yourself-“

“I have. I went toe-to-toe with him not more than a week ago.”

Jim regarded Hardbottle with a new level of respect. “And you’re willing to go a second round with him?”

“I am, sir.” Hardbottle leaned forward. “I’ve been assigned to find The Hulk by The Vice-President of The United States himself. He’s got a job in mind for The Hulk.”

“That’s the part I don’t understand. What could you possibly offer The Hulk that would make him want to work for the government?”

“He’s not The Hulk all the time. He’s Bruce Banner as well and I know that Banner has got to be tired of being on the run all the time. The Vice-President will personally fund a new laboratory for Banner wherever he wishes so that he can find a cure for his condition.” Hardbottle could see he was getting to Jim. Hardbottle was an expert in professional lying and could tell when his listener was buying whatever bullshit he was shoveling.

“And what exactly is this job? What does it entail?”

“There are some highly sensitive matter involving Genosha that the VP wants investigated and he thinks that Banner and his alter-ego are best suited for the job. You know as well as I that hardly a day goes by without a story in the world newspapers about Genosha. It’s one of the most volatile trouble spots in the world today.”

Jim’s tongue was poking the inside of his right cheek thoughtfully. He seemed to be turning over in his mind what Hardbottle was saying. “Let’s say I buy this story of yours. What exactly would you require from me?”

“I’ve got reason to believe that Banner is still in Nevada. While I’m at The Vault, I’d simply like for you to see if you can pick up his trail. Find something to point me in the right direction when I get back. I wouldn’t expect you to engage The Hulk in combat.”

“Don’t think I could take him, eh?” Jim grinned amiably.

“No disrespect intended, sir. But let’s be honest here: The Hulk’s successfully beat the ass off just about every heavyweight superhuman on the planet and wiped out entire armies by himself. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt on my behalf.”

Jim thought it prudent to not remind Hardbottle that as The Human Torch he had some 60 odd years of combat experience going back to World War II. Jim had learned more than enough tricks of survival over those years, including a helluva lot from The Living Legend himself, Captain America. If it did come down to a fight between him and The Hulk, it wouldn’t be as one-sided as Hardbottle seemed to think.

“So how about it, Mr. Hammond? Can you give me a few days?”

Jim stuck out his hand again and warmly shook Hardbottle’s extended hand. “Certainly. I’m always willing to help out the government whenever I’m asked.”

Hardbottle chuckled. “I’m glad, sir. You know, technically, I could have reactivated your Army commission and just drafted you into service but I wouldn’t have liked to do that.”

Jim chuckled also. “Actually, if you had bothered to read my file completely you would have noticed that although I hold no official rank, I do have the status, rights, responsibilities and command privileges of a three-star general. In essence, Lt. Colonel, I outrank you. So no. You most certainly could not have done that, I’m afraid.”

Hardbottle looked sheepishly annoyed, which amused Jim to no end. “I just glanced through your file on the plane. I’m pretty busy these days.”

“Yes. I’m sure that you’re a very busy man most days, Lt. Colonel Hardbottle. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I have other business I must attend to.” Jim gracious showed Hardbottle out, noting with pleasure the slightly troubled glint in Hardbottle’s dark brown eyes. Jim closed the door firmly behind him and walked through the door on the far side of the room and proceeded down a rich oak paneled corridor to his living quarters, whistling ‘Keep Your Sunny Side Up’ as he removed his suit of clothes and opened a closet that held half a dozen bright red and yellow costumes woven from unstable molecular fabric, presents from Reed Richards hung up neatly within. Jim reached for one of the costumes and began to put it on, still whistling.

Hardbottle was a pretty arrogant nitwit, Jim thought as he continued whistling and dressing. Hardbottle had demonstrated his arrogance when he admitted he hadn’t read Jim’s file completely. If he had, he would have known that Jim’s android senses were far more acute than a human and if Jim concentrated on a person’s pupils, the change in body odor and the tonal variances of the speaker’s voice, Jim was a pretty accurate lie detector as these were things that no liar, no matter how good they were could disguise or hide. The information Jim had gotten from S.H.I.E.L.D. had already warned him not to trust the man so he had scrutinized Hardbottle quite closely and was convinced that 90% of what the man had told him were lies. Strangely enough, the part about The Hulk investigating Genosha was true and that worried Jim. Sending The Hulk to Genosha for any reason whatsoever was downright insane given the volatile nature of the mutant nations current political situation and standing. Jim couldn’t believe that The Vice-President would be in charge of such a thing so it had to be Hardbottle running a rogue operation either on his behalf or someone else’s. And given the nature of some of the past incidents Hardbottle had been involved in, Jim could believe it of the man. It was a shame how the standards of the military had declined. Back during World War II an officer with Hardbottle’s record would have been court-martialed long ago.

Now garbed in a bright red bodysuit with yellow cuffs, collar and belt, Jim pressed a button on the wall and the curved window slid open with barely a whisper of sound. Without a second of hesitation he hurled himself out the window.

“FLAME ON!”

He burst into living orange-red flame, causing the crowds on the street to stop, point, gawk and cheer. There weren’t many superheroes in Las Vegas and certainly none of them were as spectacular as The Human Torch.

The Torch took a few minutes to do some fancy skywriting in letters of orange fire: WELCOME TO LAS VEGAS FROM THE HUMAN TORCH! He then rocketed off toward the east in a concentric search pattern using Vegas as the hub. Oh, he’d look for The Hulk, sure. And he was fairly positive that he could find him. And then the two of them would have a talk, android to monster, so to speak and then maybe Jim could figure out exactly what Hardbottle was really up to…

The Hulk landed with his characteristic THBOOM! The ground vibrating for miles around from the force of his landing. The Leader was cradled in his great arms and The Hulk placed him on his feet with a most uncharacteristic gentleness. His huge head swiveled this way and that as his nostrils flared.

“What’s wrong?” The Leader asked. The Hulk held up a hand for silence. He seemed to be listening for something but all The Leader could hear was the sighing of the desert wind and the distant howl of coyotes.

“Nothin’,” The Hulk allowed a playful smile on his wide face. “I just like hearin’ an’ smellin’ the desert. There’s a whole universe a’ sounds and smells humans can’t begin to appreciate.”

The Leader had little time or patience for such things as he struggled to a sitting position on a turtle shaped rock. “Where’s this lab of Banner’s?”

In response, The Hulk plunged thick fingers into the ground and with a rippling of immense emerald thews began lifting a massive solid metal door easily four feet thick. The hinges screeched and yowled as it was opened for the first time in who knew how many years. A rush of foul air emerged from inside and The Hulk snorted like a bull to clear his nostrils of the dead, stale air. He helped The Leader to his feet and the two of them walked down a slanted concrete ramp into darkness.

“Do the generators still work?” The Leader wanted to know.

“They oughta. They were programmed to automatically kick in when th’ door was opened. Hey-here we go!”

Slowly, flickeringly, rows of fluorescent lights burst into clear, bright white illumination. The chamber they were standing in was a makeshift garage where three jeeps were parked, all thickly coated with years of dirt. The Hulk swiped a hand over the hood of one of the jeeps and held it up to show his companion. The green palm was completely gray. The Hulk grunted.

The Leader was walking toward a doorway at the bottom of the slanted path. “I assume the lab is beyond that door?”

The Hulk nodded. “Yeah…. look, I gotta go back to Vegas for a few things. You should be just fine here. Make yourself at home.” The Hulk turned and lumbered back up the slanted path and paused at the entrance. The illumination emerging from inside could be seen for miles and he knew he’d have to close it before some nosy bastard flying overhead spotted the light-

“Dr. Banner, I presume.”

The Hulk whirled, a growl of rising anger vibrating in his thick throat with a sound like that of a thick metal cable being whanged with a sledge hammer. “I hope you brought th’ rest a’ The Fantastic Four with you, Storm…you’re not even gonna be a decent warm-up.”

“I’m not Johnny Storm. FLAME OFF!” The ribbons of fire covering The Human Torch’s body spiraled up and away into the night. “My name’s Jim Hammond. I’m The Original Human Torch and I’d like to talk with you if you can spare a moment.”

“Talk about what?”

“About why a Lt. Colonel Hardbottle is so anxious to get his hands on you.”

The Hulk’s jade eyes narrowed into suspicious slits and his massive hands opened and closed as if they wanted nothing else than to wrap around somebody’s, anybody’s throat and squeeze… “How do you know Hardbottle?”

“He came to Vegas to meet with me. He wanted my help in finding you.”

“Didn’t take you long, did it, hotshot?”

“You must be joking. Out in the desert a light even half as bright as this one can be seen for miles. I was flying about twelve hundred feet up and spotted it with no problem. But then again, I don’t suppose you worry much about keeping your movements secret.”

“I do just fine,” The Hulk grumbled.

From inside, The Leader’s anxious voice shouted, “Hulk? Who are you talking to? Who’s there?”

“It’s nobody! Stay inside!”

The Human Torch frowned, regarded The Hulk carefully. “Who’s in there with you, Banner?”

“None of your goddamned business. Now get lost. Fast.”

The Torch’s left hand was smoking silently as he said quietly; “Look, I didn’t come spoiling for a fight. The fact of the matter is, I don’t trust Hardbottle and I thought that if I spoke to you alone we could figure out exactly what it is that he’s up to.”

The Hulk guffawed. “You think I need you for that? Man, where do you guys buy your egos?”

“Beg pardon?”

“You so-called ‘Marvels’! Ever last one’a you bastards think that the world can’t get along without you! The Hulk’s nostrils flared. “And you in particular practically STINK of self-righteousness. Go back to wherever it is you came from, Hammond and leave me alone. I won’t tell you again.”

“I want to know who’s in this secret installation with you and what your purpose out here is.” The Human Torch’s entire body was smoking now. “I’d heard a lot of mean and vicious things about you, Banner…but I also heard that down deep you were a decent and caring man.”

The Hulk grinned a wide and terrible grin. “I used to care. But things have changed.”

And The Hulk sprang right at The Human Torch in one incredible fast leap.

NEXT ISSUE: If you really have to be told what the main attraction of the next issue will be, then you didn’t read this one!