“Where are my fuckin’ guns?” asked the older man as he met his younger, twenty-something contact on the empty street corner.

“They’re coming, don’t worry,” the younger man replied. “You’ve got the cash, right?”

“You’ll get your cash when I see my weapons,” the older man told him. “And if you screw me over, there won’t be anyplace you can run because I’ll fuckin’ find you.”

“Just be at this address in on Sunday night,” the younger man told him. “You’ll get your guns, I promise.”

As the older man left, the younger man started thinking about all the money that was going to be coming his way. What he didn’t think about was that the Punisher had come into town that very morning for another matter…

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT

Part I

By Tobias Christopher

“This should just be a simple drug bust, right?” asked Chip as Frank loaded up his ammo inside their recently acquired van. “‘Cause I want to get a bite to eat from that cheesesteak place before we leave town.”

“There’s no such thing as simple in this game, kid,” replied Frank as he slid on his leather duster. “Provided I can take these fuckers out without much difficulty, we’ll see.”

Frank was in the mood for a Philly cheesesteak sandwich himself. He usually ate healthy to keep his body in top physical condition, but every once in a while he’d give himself a little treat. As he put the two .38 specials in his jacket, he exited the van.

“Alright, now just head in through the sewer entrance I found,” said Chip through the earpiece Frank was wearing. “Should take you up through the basement.”

“You’re sure there’s nothing down there?” asked Frank.

“Been looking at the power grid to the building all day and all of last night to find a way in. If there’s anything down there, they’re either using flashlights or working in the dark. I know meth makers aren’t bright, but they’re not stupid enough to work in the complete dark.”

Frank started hearing static as he walked through the sewer. He found the entrance Chip had discovered and climbed the ladder to the hatch leading up to the basement of the old decrepit building. A group of drug dealers had found an old abandoned tenement and were using it as a meth lab.

As he made his way up he could hear the hum of the generator that was providing the building with power. Chip was right, the basement was pitch black; Frank broke open a glo-stick and made his way toward the stairs. He wanted to keep the element of surprise so he could take out as many of the dealers as possible before they ran for it.

As he opened the basement door he immediately saw one of the dealers sitting in the hallway, ‘testing’ some of the meth. He looked up just in time for the .38 to plug him in the head. Thanks to the silencer on the gun the sound never left the immediate vicinity.

“According to the power grid, the largest amount of energy’s being used about two floors up,” Chip informed him.

Frank entered the stairwell, heading up to find the lab. He had his guns ready as well as a few knives; he was prepared for pretty much anything. That was when he’d heard a ruckus coming from the lab and rushed up the stairs as fast as he could. As he broke through the door, he found several of the dealers knocked unconscious in the hallway. As Frank got closer to the door where the lab was he heard the sounds of a struggle.

“Way to go, old chum!”

“Golly, we’re sure showing them!”

Frank kicked the door in and found a man dressed in a blue and grey costume with a cat like cowl and cape. Fighting behind him as they stood back to back was what looked like a young boy in red with a yellow cape, green short shorts and green elf like shoes.

“You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me,” said Frank blankly as he watched the two costumed characters beating up the drug dealers.

“Uh oh, someone needs to add a quarter to the swear jar!” the boy said as the last of the meth dealers were taken down.

The two costumed characters headed toward Frank as he held his gun at them. “No need for weapons, friend,” said the older man in the cat costume. “You’re the Punisher! We know all about you and vigilante ways.”

“Gosh, he’s scary,” said the boy.

“Who the fuck’re you?” asked Frank, still holding the gun. Seeing that the man had dragged a child that young into a dangerous situation automatically put the psycho on Frank’s shit-list.

“Easy on the swears, friend,” said the man. “We’ll deal with you while we’re wrapping up these men for the police.”

“Yeah, about that,” said Frank as he aimed his gun at the dealers and opened fire.

“What are you doing?” asked the costumed man as the young boy looked on in shock.

“I’m the Punisher,” replied Frank with a raised eyebrow. “I’m ‘punishing’ them; otherwise I’d be known as the ‘Easygoer’.”

The police sirens started blaring as the costumed man looked out the window. “The police will be arriving soon, so we should go. Come along, old chum, our business is done here. But, as for you Punisher, our paths will cross again.”

The two costumed crusaders jumped out the window as Frank held a hand to his earpiece. “Got two weirdos jumping out the window. Find out where they’re headed.”

Holy shit, is that a kid? asked Chip as he watched from the van while the characters swung from a line to the alley across the street. I’m on it!

Frank pulled a grenade out of his pocket and tossed it into the lab before heading back downstairs to escape through the sewer tunnel. He heard the sound of the explosion taking out the lab as he ran through the sewers to meet back up with Chip.

“Tracked them as far as I could before I lost the signal,” said Chip as he sat in the motel room with Frank two hours later. “Not hard to track a car that looks like, well, a cat. Once it went underground, though, I lost the signal.”

“Underground?”

“Apparently there was a secret entrance that it went into,” replied Chip. “I did some digging as soon as you described them. You’d better take a look.”

“That’s seriously what he’s calling himself?” asked Frank with a raised eyebrow.

“Man-Pussy and Mew-Mew, the Sidekick Wonder,” said Chip, who was trying to keep himself from snickering. “They’re apparently the costumed heroes protecting this town. But it seems like every drug ring they shut down three more pop up.”

“Roaches tend to multiply when you don’t stomp them out properly,” said Frank. “Anyone ever question why he’s got a young kid in these dangerous situations?”

“That’s like asking if anyone asked why Captain America was dragging Bucky off to collect his ‘100 Nazi scalps’,” replied Chip, imitating Brad Pitt’s accent from the movie as he looked up at Frank. “So, you going to find this nut?”

“Not yet,” said Frank as he set his guns on the table. “This guy’s a nut but he’s not a killer or doing anything really bad to the kid…that I’m aware of. We’ve got to clean up this town first. Start a search, kid; we’re going roach stomping.”

In the stately home of millionaire Adam Bates, the dynamic duo of Man-Pussy and Mew-Mew, the Sidekick Wonder, were deep below the mansion. Housed under the cliff of the manor was the secret base of the duo: the Pussy Cave!

“Gee, Man-Pussy,” said Mew-Mew as he got out of the Pussy Wagon, “that Punisher was scary.”

“I agree, Mew-Mew,” said the hero as he walked toward his computer. “We must teach the Punisher that his violent ways aren’t the way to solve problems. Before anything else, we must stop him before he takes another life.”

“How?” asked Mew-Mew.

“Through the sheer power of Man-Pussy!”

“Excuse me, Master Bates,” said their trusty butler, Alfonso, “but your Aunt Xavier is wondering where you and Master Richard disappeared to.”

“We’ll be right up, Alfonso,” said Man-Pussy as he looked at his sidekick. “Come along, old chum, we’ll deal with this matter tomorrow.”

“I need you tell me everything you know about Man-Pussy.”

James Griffen sat befuddled on the other end of the secure phone line. “I gotta tell you, Frank, I expected this kind of thing from the kid, but not from you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” asked Chip in the background.

“I mean this costumed nut running around Colorado,” replied Frank as Griffen brought up the file that Chip sent him.

“Oh, that Man-Pussy,” replied Griffin. “Everyone knows this guy is millionaire Adam Bates, but the guy’s loaded and pays for pretty much everything in the city. He’s built schools, hospitals…you name it. The people let him do whatever the fuck he wants simply because he’s got the money and the power to do it. He’s not really hurting anyone.”

“Outside the kid he’s dragging into drug houses,” Frank told him.

“I don’t like it either, but the kid’s an orphan and Bates is footing the bill for taking care of him, so the town looks the other way,” said Griffin.

“So the people are both idiots and negligent,” replied Chip as he listened to the conversation.

“My suggestion is you take out the drug houses and just let Man-Pussy be,” said Griffen. “Besides, there’s another problem you need to be made aware of. A large shipment of experimental laser guns were stolen from a high tech business compound a few days ago. My sources say they’re headed toward Columbine.”

“Terrific,” said Frank with a sigh.

“And one more thing,” said Griffin. “You tell your boy to stop texting my daughter. She’s got enough distractions without the nerd contacting her.”

“Thanks for the tip,” said Frank as he looked over at Chip after hanging up. He knew there was a reason that Chip was contacting Jasmine whenever they weren’t on the job, he just didn’t want to acknowledge the elephant in the room. He could tell something was up from the first time he saw Chip noticing his best friend’s daughter. “Tell me you didn’t sleep with her.”

“Well, I just—”

Frank shot him a look. Sleeping with Jasmine Griffen was like sleeping with his own daughter.

“It was just after you took out the Jester and she was scared and I was the only one there…,” said Chip, sounding more nervous the more Frank glared at him. “… I used a condom.”

“I was in the war with James Griffin through quite a few tours. The man can snap your dick off, ram it up your nose and make it come out your eye. Keep that in mind,” said Frank as he walked into the next room.

After a few seconds of pondering this, Chip shouted after him, “Seriously?! What did Griffen mean when he said ‘I expected it from the kid?’”

Over the next two days, the Punisher went on a city wide spree to wipe out any drug houses Chip had come up with, and found no signs of Man-Pussy at any of them. The local police and firefighters had worked more in those two days than they had in the entire time they’d worked in the city.

Meanwhile, Man-Pussy and Mew-Mew were trailing him, finding the Punisher’s extensive weaponry to be too much for them to take straight on. They’d have to wait for the right moment to take him down…

At the end of each destruction of a drug house, Frank made sure to light it up in a fiery blaze to make sure no one would ever recover the drugs or weapons inside. After going through the final drughouse Chip had lead him to, Frank could have swore he saw the shadow of Man-Pussy on the rooftop of a nearby building.

“That was the last one,” said Chip as he sat in the van. “Congratulations! You cleared out the city in just under 48 hours.”

“That just leaves those stolen guns we have to keep off the streets,” said Frank as he headed toward the van. “Any luck on finding out where they are?”

There was nothing but static on Chip’s end as Frank tapped his earpiece. He headed back toward the van and opened the back door, finding it was empty.

“Chip? asked Frank as he turned around, just in time for Man-Pussy to drop a net on him.

“Your friend is safe,” said Man-Pussy as he sprayed a mist into Frank’s face, causing him to almost instantly pass out. “Don’t worry, friend, we won’t harm you. By the time this is all over, you’ll be just as sane as I am.”

To Be Continued…