In case you’re late to the party: In the past, Charles Liddell worked for A.I.M. and the Tinkerer, making weapons and gadgets. Due to an unfortunate misunderstanding, he became the intern for the Alice in Wonderland-obsessed villain known as the White Rabbit. He developed flying cameras to help pull off heists, but inadvertently turned White Rabbit into an internet sensation. Since their partnership began, she has bested the local hero Crimson Cat, and her most persistent foe, Eugene Patilio, the Frog-Man.

CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER

By Alexander Ritter

Amanda Kyle stood on the main deck of the Wonderland cruise ship. Over the last ten years she had designed several ships, but this was her crowning achievement. Amanda made sure she was on the maiden voyage. As she closed her eyes to soak in the warmth of the sun and the scent of the ocean breeze, she heard a commotion on the deck. Opening her eyes, she saw several passengers pointing at something off the starboard side.

There was a mist hovering above the water, and out from that mist emerged a second ship. It wasn’t a cruise ship, nor was it a tanker ship. Amanda could tell it was a newly built ship, although the design wasn’t current. It was built to look like an Eighteenth Century pirate ship.

Commonly you’d see a mermaid or maiden carved into the bow of a pirate ship such as this, but instead the carving was of a menacing looking bunny. The ship was also painted with an obnoxious pink, pearl, and teal color scheme. The deck of the ship was populated by people dressed as stereotypical Hollywood style pirates.

Standing with one foot on the mast, pointing at the cruise ship with an umbrella, was a woman who had large rabbit ears on her head. “But one man of her crew alive! What put to sea with seventy-five!” she gleefully sang.

Amanda removed a vial of pills from her pocket. She tossed a handful of Ambien down her throat as the pirate ship closed in on her cruise ship.

Eugene Patilio laid in his hospital bed, and he was afraid. The terror that gripped him was not a result of the IV needle, the stitches, or even the hospital food. The source of his fear was down the hall, marching inexorably toward his room. There was nowhere for Eugene to run or hide, he had no choice but to face this fate as the figure entered the room.

“Eugene Salvatore Patilio, you may have survived being crushed by a building, but now I’m gonna kill you!”

“Vincent, go easy on the poor boy, he’s been through enough tonight!” exclaimed Eugene’s Aunt Marie. “Remember, the doctor said you need to watch your blood pressure!”

“Geez dad, I’m sorry. I really messed up this time.”

“I’ll say you did!” agreed Vincent Patilio, Eugene’s father. “You could’ve been crippled, or worse! What the hell were you thinking?!”

“It was the White Rabbit! She demanded to fight Frog-Man, or else the city would pay the price.”

“Oh Christ, again with the White Rabbit!”

“Dad, last time she wanted to fight me she started destroying the city until we showed up to stop her, remember? Who knows what she would have done this time!”

“She would have done the same thing she’s done every time. Failed. You should’ve let Spider-Man or Daredevil handle it.”

“Nobody else was there!” protested Eugene. “Frog-Man was the only h-”

“That enough, Eugene. You didn’t die last night, but Frog-Man did. I’ve asked, but now I’m telling you: No more Frog-Man!”

After his father and aunt had left, Eugene started getting ready to be discharged. He wasn’t looking forward to the medical bill. As if student loans weren’t enough! God bless the American health system.

At least he didn’t have any broken bones. Just a few deep bruises and a nasty cut on his forearm. As Eugene was putting on his shoes, he heard more footsteps coming into the room. He turned, expecting to see his father. He was surprised it wasn’t his father, but rather, an attractive young lady with brunette hair. He recognized her, but had never spoken to her before now.

“Uh, hey,” he stammered. “Sara, right? We have the same journalism course at ESU, with professor Tate.

Sara Sanderson nodded her head.

“So, uh, what brings you here? Are you looking for someone?”

“I’m actually looking for you. I heard you had an accident, I came to see if you were alright.”

Something didn’t feel right. Sara hadn’t said two words to him before now, and how did she know he was in the hospital anyway?

“I’m better now, thanks. As a matter of fact, I was just leaving.”

“I’m glad you’re ok. I was wondering if you’d come by my house for a little bit, there’s something important I want to talk to you about…”

“I don’t remember any pirate ships in Through the Looking Glass. Also, your song makes me nervous. I sincerely hope more than one of us makes it through this adventure alive…”

“Charles!” exclaimed White Rabbit, as she peered into the grating on the main deck that lead under the ship’s cargo hold. “Come up here and join the rest of us!”

Charles was hesitant. “I don’t know…I feel silly!”

“Come on!” encouraged White Rabbit. “Yo ho ho, and all that! I can’t do this pirate raid without my first mate! Or, unpaid intern, whatever the case may be…”

Charles grumbled in disagreement, but grudgingly started walking up the stairs from the cargo hold.

The Rabbit Hole
Two days ago

“I’ve got a present for you!”

Charles Liddell stopped soldering together metal components for his latest gadget. Pushing his goggles up to the top of his forehead, he turned to watch White Rabbit walk into the room. She was holding a large gift wrapped box.

Charles inspected the box with skepticism. “I’m not going to open this thing up and get blown to bits by a carrot shaped bomb, am I?”

White Rabbit looked offended. “Charles, really! Would I do that to my favorite intern?”

“I’m your only intern.”

“The carrot bomb isn’t a bad idea,” said White Rabbit, “Do you think it would work on Spider-Man?”

“I don’t know, I never met the guy.”

“Well let me tell you, he is very rude, thinks he is the funniest person in the world, and loves to insult people. I find him to be very abrasive and boorish myself. Nothing but a bully in pajamas.”

“I had no idea my drunk uncle Robert was Spider-Man,” joked Charles.

“He is?”

Charles rolled his eyes and began to unwrap his present. White Rabbit could hardly contain her excitement as Charles undid the bow and opened the top of the box. His face fell as removed the contents of the box, while White Rabbit cheered.

White Rabbit’s Pirate Ship
Right Now

“Come on,” coaxed White Rabbit. “Don’t be shy! This is your grand debut!”

“I don’t know…” Charles felt self-conscious, but he didn’t want to make White Rabbit angry. He found he didn’t like her when she was angry. So he took a deep breath and emerged on the main deck for everyone to see.

Charles Liddell was clad in a fuzzy brown bodysuit that left only his hands and head exposed. He still wore his trademark goggles, but now he also wore large brown bunny ears atop his head as well.

White Rabbit beamed with pride. “Everyone, let me introduce my intern sidekick, the March Hare!!!”

White Rabbit started to clap, and encouraged the rest of the crew to join in. Thunderous applause echoed across the ocean, as Charles wished for nothing more than to run back into the cargo hold and hide. The trio of floating cameras hovering around White Rabbit caught every humiliating moment. Charles made a mental note to edit out as much as possible, though he suspected White Rabbit would insist his unveiling be the featured video of her website this week.

“So, what’s the difference between an intern sidekick and an intern?”

“You get more responsibility for the same amount of pay, and you get this stylish costume!”

“I look ludicrous.”

“You look wonderful!”

Charles peered his eyes upward. “These bunny ears are stupid.”

Charles looked back down and found himself face to face with a growling White Rabbit, her ears almost touching his.

“Sorry boss, I must have been confused. The word I was looking for was fabulous,” mumbled Charles, “these ears are fabulous.”

White Rabbit’s mood instantly changed, as she smiled and skipped away. Charles breathed a sigh of relief, glad he’d survived another close call without “off with his head!” coming into play.

“You never did explain why we’ve got a pirate ship. I don’t think Lewis Carroll wrote about pirates.”

“My dear Charles, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass were by no means the only books I read, they’re simply my favorites. I love all literature, including Treasure Island.”

“You think it was a good idea to hire a bunch of actors, along with the mercenaries?”

“These thugs will be good for boarding the cruise ship, however they’ve no clue how to properly portray an Eighteenth Century buccaneer. These starving actors were more than willing to accept the terms of my contract, promising them double the SAG minimum, while disallowing any liability on my part for anything that may occur on our adventure. I need the mercenaries for efficiency, but I also need the actors so we have an authentic feel.”

Charles looked confused but nodded in agreement anyway. “Makes about as much sense as anything else you’ve done so far.”

White Rabbit turned her attention back toward the Wonderland cruise ship, pointing a menacing finger at the crowd gathered on the deck. “Prepare to be boarded by the mistress of mayhem, the scourge of the seven seas, the overlord of the ocean, the White Rabbit!”

Eugene was beginning to think he was in a coma and dreaming. It was the most logical explanation. Why else would Sara Sanderson, the attractive girl from his journalism course at ESU, invite him to her house?

Upon arriving at her home, she had introduced Eugene to her father as “her friend from college”, before grabbing Eugene’s hand and leading him to her bedroom, almost dragging him behind her. She told him sit on the edge of her bed.

“I’ll be right back, I have something very important to show you.”

Sara disappeared into the next room. Eugene glanced around the room, weighing his options. Was it a dream? Was she crazy? Should he try and escape?

Sara rushed back into the room, wearing a trench coat. “Are you ready?”

“For what?”

Sara ripped open her trench coat so Eugene could get a good look at what was underneath.

Back on the Wonderland cruise ship, Duke McClain sat back in his wheelchair, watching the surreal scene unfold before him.

His daughter insisted he needed to get out more, have some fun. She bought him a ticket to the maiden voyage. Duke would have been content to stay at home, tend his lawn, work on his classic car, and fall asleep in his easy chair while watching the ballgame. He agreed to her demand, figuring it’d be a relaxing week at sea and then he’d get back to his daily routine that he actually enjoyed.

That was before his cruise had been interrupted when a crew of pirates boarded the ship. Duke watched as several passengers were relieved of valuables by brutes dressed in cheesy pirate costumes, filling up sack after sack with stolen loot.

The leader of the group seemed to be a pirate with bunny ears, who was followed by a miserable looking lackey wearing an even more pathetic bunny costume.

Duke shook his head at the absurdity of it all. These so called pirates had no idea what they walked into. Duke wheeled away from the passengers who were currently being accosted, making his way to the lower levels of the ship. When he had taken this vacation, he was sure to bring along his favorite toy, just in case.

Duke rolled up to a large wooden crate in the cargo hold. “Never leave home without it.”

He pried open the front of the crate to reveal a high tech armored battle suit. The front of the suit was open and hollow. Duke lifted himself out of the wheelchair, and laid down in the armor. The front of the armor closed in around him, and a large needle injected into his spinal column. The armor powered up, and Duke climbed out of the crate. The needle in his spine read his neural impulses and relayed those messages to his armor.

Normally, Duke was a wounded war veteran, living in retirement. He wouldn’t have stood a chance trying to defy the pirates. But when he was in his armored battle suit? He felt damn near invincible.

Eugene sat on Sara Sanderson’s bed, covering his eyes with his hands. He started to spread his fingers apart, peeking out between them. “Oh my.”

Sara was dressed head to toe in a deep red bodysuit, with fur accents. She also wore a mask with googles and cat ears. She posed proudly for Eugene. “Ta da!”

“Oh, ok. You like dressing up in costumes. That’s a pretty good Crimson Cat costume!”

“It’s a good costume because it’s the real costume, silly! I am the Crimson Cat! And you are the fabulous Frog-Man!”

All of the air left Eugene’s body as he was filled with a feeling of panic.

He laughed nervously. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I did some investigation and followed the clues to where White Rabbit and Frog-Man planned to have their confrontation. When I showed up, the battle was over, but I saw the EMT’s take you out of the Frog-Man uniform.”

Eugene leaned in closer and lowered his voice to a whisper. “You can’t tell anyone!”

“Well duh, that’s like the first rule of superhero club!” laughed Sara. “Secret identities are secret! This is going to be the start of something big!”

All the women and children had been horded into life rafts and sent adrift toward a nearby island. The men had not been so lucky, made to “walk the plank” and swim toward the island as White Rabbit laughed manically.

“Yo ho, a pirates life for me!” she shouted, reveling in the chance to play the role of a high seas rouge. “Don’t dally, I’m running on a tight schedule! Move a little more briskly when ye walk the plank, don’t forget we’ll keelhaul any scurvy dog who dares stand in our way! My word, this is almost as fun as killing superheroes. I may have to take up pirating as a hobby once I retire from being the queen of crime.”

A steady thumping noise caught her attention, the boat seemingly rocking with each rhythmic thud. She turned toward the back of the ship to see a hulking suit of armor marching in her direction.

“Iron Man!” White Rabbit hopped with excitement. Fighting Spider-Man or Frog-Man was one thing, but this was Iron Man! Thanks to Charles and his cameras, the whole world would witness her defeat an Avenger!

“Sorry Ma’am, I’m flattered by the comparison, but the name’s Sonic Boom!”

She took a closer look at the figure, and took note that the armor didn’t look like any Iron Man armor she’d ever seen. All the video of Iron Man on CNN showed a modern and sleek glossy red or gold armor, this clunky armor looked old, and was darker hued in grey and black.

White Rabbit’s mood instantly soured, going from excitement to disappointment. How was she supposed to break into the upper echelon of villainy’s elite, when she kept facing off with heroes more obscure than she was? An unknown Iron Man copycat? Absurd! She deserved better!

Now she found herself in a position where she had nothing to gain and everything to lose. Growling to herself, she flicked the button on her umbrella that caused a razor sharp blade to extend from the tip. She lunged at Sonic Boom, but the blade bent upon striking the armor.

“Perhaps I should have brought my machine gun umbrella. Then again, I would surmise that you are also bullet proof.”

Sonic Boom yanked the umbrella out of her hands and crushed it in his armored fist. “This is the only time I’m going to offer you the chance to peacefully surrender, I suggest you take it.”

“Why does everyone seem to want me to give up without a fight? Where’s the fun in that?”

“Crime ain’t fun lady, this is serious business! I’d prefer not to use force on a broad, but I will if I have to.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m not a ‘broad,’ I’m a lady!” White Rabbit smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “You just don’t have any fun because you’re on the wrong team. Since you were polite enough to ask me to surrender, permit me to extend an offer of my own. I could use another sidekick. You should come to the dark side. We have tarts.”

“No thanks, lady. Now why don’t you put your hands in the air and we’ll wait for the coast guard?”

“That’s too bad. A fresh coat of paint and you could have been my white knight. Tell me, Mr. Boom, do you happen to have boot jets?”

“What the hell difference does that make?”

“Hmmm, well if you don’t have boot jets, you’re going to have a difficult time apprehending me. Ta ta!”

White Rabbit’s boot jets roared to life, lifting her into the air. Her hovering cameras vibrated and then shot skyward after her. Sonic Boom looked upwards and sighed.

“Crazy broad,” he mumbled, firing up his own boot jets and giving chase. “So much for my relaxing vacation.”

White Rabbit made sure she was well clear of the cruise ship before slowing her accent. She formulated a plan, as long as she had more maneuverability than Sonic Boom, everything should turn out in her favor.

Sonic Boom closed the gap between himself and White Rabbit. She slowed just enough for him to reach for her foot, then accelerated and looped behind him, slapping a disk like device to his back. She hovered in the air, her three personal camera spheres positioned behind her, capturing every moment of the action. Sonic Boom turned to face her, also hovering in the air, his shoulder mounted cannon aimed at her.

“Game over,” came his voice, sounding robotic as it was filtered through the helmet’s loudspeaker.

“Indeed,” she agreed, holding up a small grey box, and pressing a red button. Suddenly, Sonic Boom’s armor sparked and sputtered, his boot jets cutting out as his armor’s power systems shut down. He seemed to levitate in the air for the briefest of moments before plummeting to the sea.

Back when Charles had mistakenly thought she wanted to “sneak into” New York’s historical museum, he had invented a device that would emit an EMP pulse designed to disrupt and shut down power systems as a way to crash the cameras and security devices. She had no need for it then, but held onto it afterward, and was glad she had. One more crisis averted, one more victory under her belt.

White Rabbit returned to the cruise ship, which was now devoid of patrons and completely overrun with her henchmen. Charles greeted her as she set foot on the ship.

“That was a close one! Is everything alright?”

White Rabbit stood on the bow of the Wonderland cruise ship and gazed out at the sun setting on the horizon of the deep blue sea. “Yes Charles, I believe everythingis alright, and why wouldn’t it be? I am a pirate, after all.”

Next Issue: White Rabbit: Wanted! In… New Jersey? Also, Charles goes digging too deep in the wrong rabbit hole, and take a small peek into his personal life on his day off.

The Rabbit Hole

White Rabbit here, once again digging into the mailbag. Let’s see here, this time we have a nice little note from Meriades Rai. Let me see what we have here.. I’ll just look at a little excerpt of the overall note..

The style of Alex’s opening story sticks very closely to the DeMatteis mould, what with references to past battles and relationships (Frog-Man and Kwikkee Burger, the Tinkerer, etc) and the introduction of a new character who fits seamlessly into the WR mythos, Crimson Cat. Sara is lovely, very well observed on the writer’s part, and I look forward to watching her continued development. Hopefully she’s around for the long haul. There’s also a nice, subtle reference to DC’s Harley Quinn (“I’m not some crazed harlequin!”), which again shows Alex’s impeccable understanding of how he’s pitching this whole set-up; there’s an air of animated shows like Batman and Brave & The Bold to all this that’s like a breath of fresh air.

I have to admit, in recent years people keep making harlequin references when I’m around and for the life of me, I just don’t know why! So you like the Crimson Cat, do you? That has me questioning your taste and doubting your credibility my friend! If she was smart she would retire or at least do everything in her power to never cross my path again. Alas, we know the hero type, don’t we? She’s bound to stick around as the proverbial “thorn in the side” I think.

Also, I’ve been working hard to have a musical accounting of one of my adventures, but so far no luck on that front. I think I would be great fun!

Until next time, happy hopping!