I CAN’T GO BACK TO YESTERDAY—I WAS A DIFFERENT PERSON THEN

By Alexander Ritter

Weeks had passed since White Rabbit began her crime spree. Implausible as it seemed, she was on an unstoppable sequence of successful schemes, rising to internet superstardom in the process. A group of her greatest adversaries, some new, some old, formed a coalition dedicated to ending her reign of madness once and for all.

The trap was set, the bait irresistible. It was common knowledge White Rabbit was obsessed with Lewis Carroll. If you couldn’t figure that out by just looking at her, a quick trip to her website would spell it out. How could she pass up trying to steal at least something from an exhibit of Lewis Carroll memorabilia? First edition publications, personal effects, diaries, along with costumes and art based on his works.

The group, dubbed the Sensational Six by Crimson Cat, hid in the shadows of the museum, waiting for White Rabbit to strike.

Vincent Patilio invented the Leap Frog suit, embarking on a short and unsuccessful criminal career. Years later, his son used a similar costume to become the heroic Frog-Man. Vincent feared his son would get hurt or killed while fighting villains, and White Rabbit had been one his son’s most persistent foes. Vincent helped his son defeat her once before.

Duke McClain was a disabled war veteran. He developed a suit of armor similar to Iron Man’s, becoming the hero Sonic Boom. Through a spike inside the armor inserted into Duke’s spinal column, he commanded the armor with his mind. The weapons and propulsion systems worked on high density compressed air. He was recently defeated by White Rabbit on an ocean cruise.

“This armor is amazing,” noted Leap Frog, examining Sonic Boom’s weapon systems. “I’m proud of the coils, exoskeleton, and navigation systems I’ve put into my suit, but your armor is light years ahead of anything I could hope to tinker together.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” said Sonic Boom. “I had a lot of resources and financial backing for this prototype before the army cut my contract. For a toymaker to come up with that stuff you’d put into your suit? That’s impressive in my book.”

“Maybe when this is over, you can let me have a peek at your schematics,” offered Leap Frog. “I’d love to see the design process on this thing!”

“Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been able to talk to someone who understands stuff like this? Tell you what: you bring a six pack and I’d be more than happy to swap blueprints and talk inventions.”

Sara Sanderson used the code name Crimson Cat. She attended ESU on a gymnastics scholarship. Along with being incredibly athletic and agile, she had razor sharp claws on her costume. Sara was the first who failed to thwart White Rabbit. Since then, White Rabbit rode a wave of popularity that made Sara sick to her stomach.

Max Oliver took the stage name Max Overdrive. A mutant who could temporarily boost his strength, stamina, and agility, he was a hero for what Sara considered the wrong reasons. He wanted fame and fortune, and was annoying and obnoxious to boot. He almost stopped White Rabbit on his own, but his body shut down from overexertion at the last moment.

“I don’t think she’s coming,” observed Max.

“She’ll be here,” assured Crimson Cat. “Seriously, we’ve only been waiting for twenty minutes. Just relax”

“Relax? I’m not the one shaking like an epileptic.”

Crimson Cat looked down at her hands, they were shaking uncontrollably. “Sorry, I’m just really anxious is all. We’ve been training for this all week, and finally the moment has arrived. White Rabbit is going to be finished, once and for all!”

“You’ve got a hard-on to take her down. Sure, I’d like to get even with her too, but you’re taking it to a whole new level. Your bedroom was plastered with White Rabbit newspaper clippings, she’s the only thing you ever talk about, and whenever you’re looking at your phone you’re checking her website.”

“In the world I live in, heroes are revered while villains are hated and feared. White Rabbit is flipping everything on its head; she’s destroying the moral fabric of America.” Sara didn’t understand why nobody else seemed as dedicated as she was to stopping White Rabbit.

“I hate to tell you this, but America’s moral fabric has been dead for years, long before she started her stupid website. For real though, are you feeling ok? You’re looking kind of pale.”

“I’m okay,” she said, a bead of sweat running down her face. “It’s like I told you, I’m just anxious. I’ll be fine when this night is over, I promise you that.”

Eugene Patilio fought crime as the Fabulous Frog-Man, carving out a small heroic career for himself. He had gotten the best of White Rabbit twice before, but she recently lured him into battle, almost killing him.

Peter Parker was known as the Sensational Spider-Man. He could’ve easily defeated White Rabbit, but usually took a step back to let heroes like Frog-Man, Gibbon, or Grizzly be the ones to grab the glory. He knew she was becoming more and more confident with each passing day, making her more dangerous than ever before. He knew this team of misfits meant well, but they needed his help to succeed.

“Spidey?”

“Yeah, Eugene?”

“Geez dude, we’re on a mission. Don’t use my real name! Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did.”

“I’m being serious. Spidey, what do you know about girls?”

“Shouldn’t you be having his conversation with your dad?”

“No, this is different. This is a hero thing, I figure I need to talk to someone like you. You or Captain America.”

“This should be good.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“I can’t go into detail because of the whole secret identity thing. Let’s just say ‘it’s complicated’ and leave it at that. Is this a ‘how do I tell her I’m a superhero’ question, or a ‘why does she want me to stop being a superhero’ question?”

“It’s Crimson Cat. I like her, and she likes me…sort of. You see, she doesn’t like Eugene, she likes Frog-Man. Does that seem crazy to you?”

“A feline superheroine who doesn’t like you, but is madly in love with your alter ego? Believe it or not, kid, that’s more common than you’d think.”

Charles Liddell and White Rabbit sat in silence. They parked the Bunnymobile outside the museum and had been watching the building for twenty minutes.

“This is obviously a trap,” noted Charles, breaking the silence as he booted up his laptop to oversee the floating webcams.

“I know,” she agreed, stepping into the parking lot. “We talked about this, you said this could be the highest rated video yet.”

“Assuming our luck holds up. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in you, but no winning streak last forever.”

White Rabbit smiled. “Well then, we’ll have to cherish it for as long as it lasts, and treat every adventure as our last. I doubt tonight will be that night, not with as much as we’ve invested in our assistants for the evening.”

White Rabbit walked toward the museum entrance, as dozens of shadowy figures spread out around her, heading for different sections of the building.

“Have you ever dated other superheroes? You know, like Ms. Marvel or Black Widow?”

Spider-Man couldn’t believe he was talking about relationships with Frog-Man of all people. “Black Widow?” asked Spider-Man. “No, I’ve never dated Black Widow.”

“Do you think you could put in a good word with Ms. Marvel for me, in case this thing with Cat doesn’t work out?”

“For you? Definitely, maybe. Unless I have to chaperone. I wouldn’t have to chaperone, would I? Because that would be really awkward.” Spider-Man’s spider-sense flared up, alerting him of imminent danger. “Heads up, I think it’s time for the guest of honor to make her appearance. If I know White Rabbit like I think I do, she’s going to make a–”

Spider-Man trailed off as dozens and dozens of people filed into the museum from every entranceway, all dressed like playing cards. They formed two rows, side by side, as White Rabbit entered the room and looked around.

“This may be more complicated than we anticipated,” declared Spider-Man. “We should come up wi–”

“Get ’em!” yelled Max Overdrive, charging into one of the rows, bowling over several henchmen.

“Or, ‘get ’em’, whatever,” muttered Spider-Man, shooting a line of webbing onto the chandelier in the middle of the room. He swung into a group of thugs, knocking them everywhere.

Sonic Boom marched into the fray, blasting attackers with bursts of air. Crimson Cat attempted to leap over the defending thugs and apprehend White Rabbit, but the wall of cards stopped her. They dog piled on her, but Frog-Man bounced into the pile, knocking most of the offenders away.

“Thanks for the save Frog-Man!” Crimson Cat spun to her feet, catching the six of hearts with a roundhouse kick, knocking him unconscious. Crimson Cat got separated from Frog-Man, who found himself face to face with White Rabbit.

“I thought cats were the ones with nine lives, not frogs,” quipped White Rabbit, swinging her razor sharp umbrella at Frog-Man. “Either way, you should be running out any time now.”

He punched at White Rabbit, who ducked and dumped Frog-Man on his back. She raised her umbrella, prepared to jam the tip down onto Frog-Man’s throat. “I forgot how much fun it was to kill you.”

“Get away from him!” Leap Frog descended upon White Rabbit, backing her away, forcing her to swing defensively at him instead of Frog-Man.

“Ha ha! The fun has been doubled!” she exclaimed, stabbing Leap Frog. Blood seeped into his costume as he staggered backwards. “Two frogs or twenty, I’ll kill as many as I need in o–”

Frog-Man grabbed White Rabbit from behind, locking her into a tight bear hug. “I got her! I got her! Someone help me g–” In a flash, dozens of thugs grabbed Frog-Man, forcing him down on the floor as White Rabbit scampered away.

“That was far too close of a call. I think it’s time make my exit.” White Rabbit scooped up her target, a stack of Lewis Carroll’s personal diaries. She ducked and dodged between the ongoing battles and ascended the staircase to the roof. Max saw her out of the corner of his eye. He bull rushed the group he was fighting, slamming all of them into the wall. Free from obstruction, Max followed White Rabbit to the roof.

Crimson Cat also noticed White Rabbit taking her leave. It took her longer to overcome the lackeys she was fighting. When all her opponents were dispatched she was able to turn her attention to White Rabbit’s escape. She leapt over the pile of bodies Max left in his wake, one face down thug laid out next to a pair of aces and a pair of eights, and ascended the stairs to the roof.

White Rabbit was nearly out of breath as she arrived on the roof. She walked to the edge and gazed at the street below. She tapped her and looked at the floating cameras that recorded her every move. “Charles, can you hear me? There has been a slight complication. I need you to pull the Bunnymobile around back, I may need to make a dramatic escape.”

Max Overdrive burst onto the roof and saw White Rabbit standing near the edge. “Don’t move, lady! Looks like you’ve reached the end of the road.”

She slowly turned around and smiled, holding her arms in the air. “Yes, looks like, doesn’t it?” Suddenly, she pulled an umbrella from behind her back, aimed it at Max, and fired off a barrage of razor sharp carrot shaped darts. Max used his enhanced speed and agility to bend backwards, twisting and turning to avoid contact with the projectiles, just like a scene out of The Matrix.

Crimson Cat arrived on the scene and leaped over Max, pouncing on a stunned White Rabbit. She placed her claws against White Rabbit’s throat as she held her down. “No more running, Rabbit. You should’ve rubbed your foot before coming out tonight, looks like your luck just ran out.”

“Yes, looks like,” murmured White Rabbit, as Crimson Cat pulled her up and bound her arms with zip ties.

“Will this onslaught never end?” questioned Sonic Boom, blasting yet another oncoming attacker.

“I’m pretty sure there are fifty two of them,” guessed Leap Frog, doing his best to help despite his injures.

“That’s thirteen to one odds,” noted Frog-Man.

“Thanks for the info, mathlete,” grumbled Sonic Boom. “Less computing, more face smashing.”

“Don’t these guys know they’re up against your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and his amazing friends?” questioned Spider-Man, as he webbed up a pair of fours with a nine high. “They must not be playing with a full deck!”

“Oh for the love of–,” began Sonic Boom. “Please, I’m begging you, no puns!”

“You can’t be serious,” replied Spider-Man. “Do you see what I’m up against? The puns write themselves with this set-up! I may never have this again; I need to take advantage of it.”

“Come on Spidey, lets ‘cut the deck’!” exclaimed Frog-Man, barreling into a group of Jacks and threes.

“Not you too, kid!” moaned Sonic Boom. “I’m going to have to put sound dampeners into this armor so I can block out pun-slinging heroes and monologues from villains.”

“We’re going to knock these guys down like a house of cards!” exclaimed Spider-Man, as he webbed the feet of one card, and whipped him across the floor to mow down another group of cards.

“Looks like this hand is a bust!” countered Frog-Man, taking a group of spades off their feet with a rebounding clothesline.

Spider-Man looked around the room, realizing all the thugs have been knocked out. “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, and know when to fold ’em. I still had a couple of puns I wanted to use. So disappointing.”

“The fight isn’t over yet, webhead.” Everyone turned as a large muscle bound thug entered the room, cracking his knuckles. His card costume had a smiling jester face on it and he wore a jester’s cap. “Every deck has a joker, and when the joker enters play, the game completely changes.”

“The Joker?” questioned Spider-Man. “That has got to be the lamest idea for a villain theme I’ve ever heard. Well, maybe second lamest, next to Big Wheel.”

“Don’t forget Stilt-Man,” suggested Frog-Man.

“And Walrus,” added Leap Frog.

“How about Humbug?” offered Sonic Boom. “He should be pretty high on that list too.”

“Hey guys, epic level ‘boss’ battle over here, remember?” shouted the Joker, angry he was being ignored and passively aggressively made fun of. “You may be spectacular, Spider-Man, but I’m pec-tacular!” The joker flexed his pectoral muscles, making the bounce up and down to highlight his statement.

“Why me?” questioned Spider-Man. “Why do I always get the lamest of the lame in my rogues gallery?  Thor and Ms. Marvel are so lucky they never have to deal with these kinds of z-listers.”

The Joker jabbed at the air like a boxer and flexed again. “I’ve spent the last week working out, saying my prayers, and eating my vitamins, now I must break you.”

“Did he just quote Hulk Hogan and Dolph Lundgren in the same sentence?” asked Frog-Man. “Is that even legal?”

“Both of those guys got beat by Rocky, right?” reminded Spider-Man. “Okay, Joker, here’s how this is going to play out.”

The Joker leaned in, intent on hearing what Spider-Man was going to say, but was instead greeted by an uppercut that sent him flying off his feet. He crashed through a display case on the other side of the room.

Sonic Boom patted Spider-Man on the back. “One punch! That was amazing, Spider-Man!”

Frog-Man bent down over the Joker. “Looks like the Joker’s mild, pal!”

“Good one, kid,” complimented Spider-Man. “Seems like we lost a couple of our team in all the confusion.  Let’s go round them up, the cops can play fifty-two card pick-up with these clowns.”

“I did it! I finally did it!” Crimson Cat trembled with excitement as White Rabbit glared at her, struggling in her bonds. “Now this nightmare is over, everything can go back to the way it was. No more Rabbit Hole website, no more White Rabbit fan club, no more slanderous and misleading web videos!”

Max Overdrive had taken a keen interest in several spherical objects that hovered in the air above White Rabbit. “Speaking of web videos, one side pussycat, time for my close-up!” Max shoved Crimson Cat to the side and stood next to White Rabbit. He put an arm around White Rabbit and gave the “thumbs up” to the cameras.

“America, we got her!” he declared. “The menace is over, thanks to your paragon of virtue, the epitome of awesome, the one and only Max Overdrive!”

As Max was busy mugging for the camera, White Rabbit silently slid a razorblade out of the arm of her coat and into her palm. She sawed apart the zip tie holding her arms together. “Looks like there is no escape this time,” she admitted.

“Yeah, looks like!” mocked Max.

White Rabbit smiled, then head-butted Max. He staggered back, blood squirting from his nose. White Rabbit pulled her wrists free, held her arms out, and fell backwards off the roof. Crimson Cat tried in vain to grab White Rabbit’s leg, but it was too late. White Rabbit fired off her boot jets to slow her decent, and landed on the roof of the Bunnymobile as it sped away into the night.

“I think she broke my nose,” admitted Max, looking down at the blood on his hands.

Crimson Cat’s eyes flared with anger and exasperation as she spun to face Max Overdrive. “You–you let her get away!”

“Ah, it was an accident. We’ll get her next time. Besides, if anything, we’ll get a m–”

Crimson Cat growled and shoved Max as hard as she could. He lost his footing and feel over the edge of the building, grasping the ledge with his hand. He hung high above the street, struggling to maintain his grip.

Crimson Cat glared at him. “You’re not a real hero; you’re just as bad as she is!”

“Cat, I can’t hold on, grab my hand!”

She turned her back as Max slipped off the edge and plummeted to the concrete below. She sat down and started to cry as Spider-Man and the rest of the group arrived on the scene. Sonic Boom looked over the edge of the building to see blood pooling under Max’s lifeless body.

“What happened?” asked Spider-Man.

‘White Rabbit got away,” answered Crimson Cat. “Max tried to stop her, but he must have been burned out. He fell over the edge. There was nothing I could do for him.”

Epilogue One

White Rabbit attentively studied the contents of Lewis Carroll’s diaries, when Charles Liddell walked into the room.

“Hey, boss?”

“This better be important,” threatened White Rabbit.

“I think it might be. When I tweaked the cameras to function on autopilot, I programmed them to focus on rapid motions and body heat, making it more likely they‘d pick out people instead of random objects.  Well, when we left the museum, one of the cameras stayed behind, thinking it was still filming your confrontation.”

“So what did it film?” she inquired.

Charles showed his laptop, with video footage of Crimson Cat pushing Max Overdrive over the edge of the roof, then walking away as he fell to his death. “I’ve got two words for you, boss: Featured. Video.”

Epilogue Two

Eugene Patilio returned to the ESU dorms, unpacking boxes he brought from his dad’s house. The first box had student necessities. Toothpaste, toilet paper, cereal, noodles, things of that nature. The second box was very heavy. Eugene opened the box and was shocked to find the Frog-Man suit with a hand written note from this father.

“Gene –

I knew you’d just find a way to use the suit anyway, so I made some tweaks for you. The exoskeleton is reinforced and the jump navigator should be more accurate now. BE CAREFUL, and I’m proud of you, son. I know your Mom would be too.

– Dad”

Eugene smiled and shoved the box under his bunk. When the world needed him, the Fabulous Frog-Man would be there!

Epilogue Three

“Can I offer you a beer?” Vincent Patilio stood on his porch, as Spider-Man hung upside-down from a strand of webbing.

“No thanks,” said Spider-Man. “I’ll take a soda if you have it.”

“I decided to let Eugene keep the suit,” admitted Vince.

“He’s a good kid,” complimented Spider-Man. “He’s going to do good things.”

Vince took a sip of beer. “I know.”

“So, what’s the real reason you wanted me to come over?”

Vince took a deep breath. “Eugene means well, but he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Max, Crimson Cat, they had good intentions, but were untrained, unqualified kids. If you want to be cop, you gotta go to police academy. If you want to be in the army, you gotta go to basic training. I there should be something like that for superheroes.”

“That’s not a bad idea, but I’m not going to start a superhero school, if that’s what you’re hoping.”

“No, but I was hoping you’d mention the idea to some of your Avengers friends. Maybe they can start some kind of, I don’t know, Avengers Academy or something. Help train the next generation of heroes, like Eugene and the others. We’ve seen what happens when kids today try and figure it out themselves. They just need some guidance.”

Epilogue Four

Crimson Cat knew it was coming. Ever since the moment White Rabbit posted the video from the rooftop, Sara had worn her costume and waited. It didn’t take long for the police to come knocking on the door. She walked out onto the front lawn, surrounded by Sonic Boom and the local police force.

“They thought it might help if a friendly face came along,” explained Sonic Boom. “We want you to turn yourself in.”

“Don’t you guys get it?” she asked. “I’m the good guy. Max, White Rabbit, they’re the villains. White Rabbit twisted things around, like she always does. It’s nonsensical when you think about it. She’s just trying to make me look bad.”

“Come on, young lady,” said Sonic Boom, placing an arm on her shoulder. “Let’s not make a scene.”

“I’m the hero,” she repeated. “That video is a lie! If you’re trying to stop me from helping people, you’re just as bad as the rest of them!” Crimson Cat lashed out, clawing Sonic Boom through the eyeholes in his armor. He swore and screamed, backing away as blood poured from his eyes. “This is her fault, she turned you all against me, andshe’s trying to make me the villain! Can’t you see? It’s all White Rabbit’s fault!”

Crimson Cat screamed in despair as the police used their tazer guns to subdue her.

“She did this,” she murmured, falling unconscious. “I’ll make her pay, if it’s the last thing I do–”